Well, it's been 10 days since I started my new job as a junior doctor.
I now work in Care of The Elderly ward, and I imagine that my job is going to motivate me to write a lot about the NHS and what it's like to work as an "F1" doctor.
I've previously mentioned where I work, and so that might complicate matters... I've gotten in trouble with a big (ish) organisation before about my blog.
I guess the long and short of how I feel right now is that I don't think any medical school could adequately prepare you for starting work. I'm not saying anything new... people have said this for years!
I expected the feelings of inadequacy, borne of a lack of experience and familiarity, as well as the sometimes overwhelming sense of responsibility that is suddenly thrust upon you.
And I didn't think it would be easy to start with, and in that respect I've not been surprised.
I do, however, want to go on record as saying that it's really upset me how many of the promises I made to myself have already been broken. Before I started, I had a mental list of things I would never do, and ways that I wanted to act.
I guess I'm realising that the trade-off for having a world-class health service that offers near-equality of care for everyone, is that it's pretty difficult to achieve the optimum standards that you might desire for yourself or your family. I think I now understand why those with money choose private healthcare... its not the "health" part that's significantly different, its the "care" part.
Patients in the NHS almost without fail recieve adequate care. And yet, despite knowing that, it can be really hard to not spend 5 minutes with all your patients, just listening to them, because you just have other "more important" tasks to complete. And it's hard because you know that those 5 minutes could really brighten someone's day... and we're taught at medical/nursing school that happy patients heal quicker... which is why the emphasis on communication skills is there within training, because it's previously been an element lacking in UK healthcare.
I'm sure I've made a difference in a few people's days... but there are plenty of patients whom I've seen who I didn't "do my best" with... I had to settle for adequacy.
And so came my epiphany... as a nation, as a workforce, and as patients, we complain about the NHS because we don't really accept adequacy as acceptable. We want more. And why shouldn't we?
I suppose in the next two years I'll get plenty more opportunities to test out my theory!
