OK, so it's been a few years since I did one of these, but I'm all excited so here are my super quick reviews of this years 40 Eurovision entrants.
Forty? I know right. I'm breaking them down into the two semi-finals and the the direct-to-final qualifiers to make it a bit more bearable.
I'll give you a summary of the song and rate the song on the following criteria:
Genre of music
How much of this can I remember - I'm already skipping some
Better than last year's entry? - compared to the country in 2014
Current reviews
Qualifier?
Will I be listening to this in a year?
Anyone fanciable?
Arbitrary Eurovision style score: (i.e. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,10 or 12)
First up is Semi-Final 1, due to broadcast on Tuesday 19th May 2015 at 2100 CEST (2000 BST). Here there all are (with links to EuroVision.tv)
Moldova
| 01 | Moldova
 TRM | Eduard Romanyuta
|
I Want Your Love |
Genre: Pop (and wants to be Rock)
How much of this can I remember?: Chorus is irritatingly repetitive
Better than last year's entry?: Nope
Best lyric: "The picture that you’re paintin’ got me all anticipating"
Current reviews: "You want my love, but I want you to shut up" (Wiwibloggs)
Qualifier?: No
Will I be listening to this in a year?: No. I'm already skipping within seconds of the intro.
Anyone fanciable?: If you're a 13 year old girl, then maybe in some of his promo shots.
Arbitrary Eurovision style score: 2
Armenia
| 02 | Armenia
 AMPTV | Genealogy
|
Face The Shadow |
Genre: Pop-Opera-Ballad
How much of this can I remember?: I'm humming it all the time
Better than last year's entry?: I prefer it but, Aram MP3 was favourite to win so perhaps not quite as good.
Best lyric: "Time is ticking and you keep thinking that you are tricking your heart"
Current reviews: "Face the Shadow does improve and the retro-soft-rock chorus does appeal, but from 2:00, the song builds into a vomit-inducing frenzy of noise." (ESCTips.com)
Qualifier?: Yes, should benefit from ok song and large Armenia diaspora
Will I be listening to this in a year?: Yes
Anyone fanciable?: Vahe Tilbian (Ethiopian-Armenian) and Tamar Kaprelian (American-Armenian) are good examples of why you should mix those genes up.
Arbitrary Eurovision style score: 10
Belgium
| 03 | Belgium
 RTBF | Loïc Nottet
|
Rhythm Inside |
Genre: Electro-Pop-Rap
How much of this can I remember?: All, I'm t
Better than last year's entry?: So much it's hard to believe this is the same country. Loic could be Belgium's Anouk moment (Netherlands entry that revived their poor fortunes).
Best lyric: "On a cosmic track, love attack, I‘m gonna get that rhythm back"
Current reviews: The song is addictive and ... Loic is ahead of the times, which, unfortunately, may put some people off. Best Belgium entry of the 10s. (Wiwibloggs)
Qualifier?: Hope so, but nervous that the juries won't get, being as this is current music and their average age is... old.
Will I be listening to this in a year?: Yes, and probably getting his album.
Anyone fanciable?: I wouldn't say no...
The Netherlands
| 04 | The Netherlands
 AVROTROS | Trijntje Oosterhuis
|
Walk Along |
Genre: Pop
How much of this can I remember?: "Way-ay-ay" will never leave you.
Better than last year's entry?: No.
Best lyric: "Why, why-aiaiai, why-aiaiai" (obviously)
Current reviews: "Trijntje’s problem is that Walk Alone lacks sufficient build and variation in the arrangement to retain interest after the one-minute mark... the bridge ends at 2:15, so the song drifts along on a seemingly continuous loop for the remaining 45-seconds." (ESCtips.com)
Qualifier?: It will be close.
Will I be listening to this in a year?: Probably... and still uncertain as to whether I actually like it or not.
Anyone fanciable?: A bit of a MILF but don't get too excited.
Arbitrary Eurovision style score: 6
Finland
| 05 | Finland
 YLE | Pertti Kurikan Nimipäivät
|
Aina Mun Pitää |
Genre: Punk
How much of this can I remember?: None.
Better than last year's entry?: Really not.
Current reviews: "The problem with “Aina mun pitää” is that there doesn’t seem to be any melody or hook to draw in viewers. Just one and a half minutes of pure punk noise, that’s all."
Qualifier?: No. Well... it does stand out so I wouldn't be surprised if it sails through.
Will I be listening to this in a year?: No
Anyone fanciable?: Pass.
Arbitrary Eurovision style score: 1
Greece
| 06 | Greece
 NERIT | Maria Elena Kyriakou
|
One Last Breath |
One Last Breath is... I'm largely indifferent. It might sound good live on stage with atmospheric staging but there's little special about it. It's timed 6th, allowing for a strategic toilet break.
Genre: Ballad
How much of this can I remember?: Very little
Better than last year's entry?: Nothing will top "Alcohol is Free".
Best lyric: "Just pain, fake love and drunken lie, Ι struggle to survive, I’m still alive" (maybe lay off the Ouzo love?)
Current reviews: "Where is the overrated dance-pop diva that you bring almost every year? This is a new low for Greece, it’s as if Portugal sent an entry completely in English." (Wiwibloggs)
Qualifier?: Unlikely.
Will I be listening to this in a year?: No
Anyone fanciable?: Maria is lovely, but not enough of a stunner for me to bother to upload a photo.
Arbitrary Eurovision style score:3
Estonia
| 07 | Estonia
 ERR | Elina Born & Stig Rästa
|
Goodbye To Yesterday |
Genre: Guitar-ballad
How much of this can I remember?: Humming the tune.
Better than last year's entry?: Tanja's gravity-defying dance routine and flawless vocals that were cheated out of the final? C'mon, it's not THAT good, but it's a nice follow-up.
Best lyric: "I was frozen by the jingle of my keys at the door
as I got outside I smiled to the dog"
Current reviews: "I want to love this song, but it keeps letting me down." (Wiwibloggs)
Qualifier?: Should do, but not as certain as everyone thought.
Will I be listening to this in a year?: Yes
Anyone fanciable?: Depends on your taste but black and white is flattering.
Arbitrary Eurovision style score: 8
FYR Macedonia
| 08 | F.Y.R. Macedonia
 MKRTV | Daniel Kajmakoski
|
Autumn Leaves |
This is a lovely ballad from the Balkans. Daniel was the first entrant to be declared back in 2014, losing the advantage of seeing what everyone was doing. He changed from Macedonian to English which makes the song flow better with no jarring translations. The song is cute and leans towards Ed Sheeran-lite. It's a grower, not always a good thing for a song in the middle of the show, but I'd love 2015 to see a resurgence of the old Yugoslav countries.
Genre: Guitar-ballad
How much of this can I remember?: The chorus has a good hook
Better than last year's entry?: He's not as fun as Tijana, but probably a more solid performer.
Best lyric: "Hanging from our knees up in the willow trees easy like the month of June"
Current reviews:
"The song is a little slow to get started, but the chorus has an enjoyably massive feeling to it. But yet it’s still not a stand-out song – very middle table." (Wiwibloggs)
Qualifier?: It's close. Macedonia never does too well but this might be enough.
Will I be listening to this in a year?: Yes
Anyone fanciable?: As long as he doesn't let the moustache grow.
Arbitrary Eurovision style score: 6
Serbia
| 09 | Serbia
 RTS | Bojana Stamenov
|
Beauty Never Lies |
Genre: Powerballad-disco
How much of this can I remember?: When drunk I swear I know it all.
Better than last year's entry?: Serbia took a break last year - welcome back!
Best lyric: "Beauty never lies, no, it cries “Here I am!”"
Current reviews: "Bojana certainly looks like a formidable women and has the vocal power to match. " (ESCtips.com)
Qualifier?: Surely.
Will I be listening to this in a year?: Yes
Anyone fanciable?: I think Bojana's admirers will be rather niche.
Arbitrary Eurovision style score: 8
Hungary
| 10 | Hungary
 MTV | Boggie
|
Wars For Nothing |
Snooze. This song is a "message" song, but it just doesn't get off the ground. The accompanying video is mildly interesting, but I don't think the unfortunately named Boggie is headed to the final.
Genre: Ballad
How much of this can I remember?: Minimal.
Better than last year's entry?: "Running" was an example of a message song (child abuse) that really worked, only making this seem worse in comparison.
Best lyric: "Just pain, fake love and drunken lie, Ι struggle to survive, I’m still alive" (maybe lay off the Ouzo love?)
Current reviews: "If there’s one reason end all wars, it would be to stop these fucking banal world peace songs being entered every few years." (ESCtips.com)
Qualifier?: No.
Will I be listening to this in a year?: No
Anyone fanciable?: Who cares?
Arbitrary Eurovision style score:1
Belarus
| 11 | Belarus
 BTRC | Uzari&Maimuna
|
Time |
Genre: Pop-Classical
How much of this can I remember?: I think I even know the violin bits.
Better than last year's entry?: I loved the bizarre Cheesecake but this entry is genuinely good!
Best lyric: "Time is like thunder a-a-a"
Current reviews: "It’s got a catchy hook, a hummable melody and distinctive vocals. One of Belarus’ better entries, and it’s frustrating to see this being tipped to not qualify."
Qualifier?: Yes. Should benefit from having a tempo above the resting heart rate of a corpse.
Will I be listening to this in a year?: Yes
Anyone fanciable?: I've got a crush on Uzari for sure.
Arbitrary Eurovision style score: 10
Russia
| 12 | Russia
 C1R | Polina Gagarina
|
A Million Voices |
Genre: Power-ballad
How much of this can I remember?: "A Mill-ion Voy-says!" with choreographed backing-singer finger clicks and sways.
Better than last year's entry?: She may not have a twin but I don't think she needs one to make this Shine.
Best lyric: "Praying for peace and healing, hoping we can start again". Ahem.
Current reviews: "If there’s one reason end all wars, it would be to stop these fucking banal world peace songs being entered every few years." (ESCtips.com)
Qualifier?: An absence of usual allies may see Russia relegated this year.
Will I be listening to this in a year?: Yes
Anyone fanciable?: There's a lot of blonde women with good voices out there.
Arbitrary Eurovision style score:7
Denmark
| 13 | Denmark
 DR | Anti Social Media
|
The Way You Are |
Genre: 60s style pop-rock
How much of this can I remember?: I switched off before it could infect me
Better than last year's entry?: Is this Denmark's thing now? Songs with vaguely irritating hooks that you don't really like but end up singing as if you do?
Best lyric: "Movie stars and caviar couldn't get me where you are"
Current reviews: "A simple, catchy piece of retro pop. When I first saw Anti-Social Media in a PR video, I didn’t think the lads had the visual appeal to attract the all-important female vote." (ESCtips.com)
Qualifier?: Yes
Will I be listening to this in a year?: No
Anyone fanciable?: Dubious. Think Ron Weasley before puberty hit.
Arbitrary Eurovision style score: 4
Albania
| 14 | Albania
 RTSH | Elhaida Dani
|
I'm Alive |
Genre: Pop rock-Ballad
How much of this can I remember?: I can't recall the lyrics but feel like I know then whenever I hear the song.
Better than last year's entry?: Much better. Albania get a rough deal with few natural allies and I want this in part of my Balkan resurgence.
Best lyric: "This love can't stop screaming out your name so loud"
Current reviews: "Modern, catchy and radio-friendly, this song gives me Jessie J and Beyonce vibes." (Wiwibloggs)
Qualifier?: Yes, please?
Will I be listening to this in a year?: Yes
Anyone fanciable?: She's a fox
Arbitrary Eurovision style score: 8
Romania
| 15 | Romania
 TVR | Voltaj
|
De La Capat/ All Over Again |
Genre: Rock Ballad
How much of this can I remember?: I've taken to the Lyric Video to churn out my best Romanian - I wanted to be able to sing along to this.
Better than last year's entry?: As much as I love Paula and Ovi, I really connect with this song.
Best lyric: "Tu ai fi motivul, tu ai fi motivul sa pot, Sa pot s-o iau de la capat"
[You will be the reason, you will be the reason to start, To start all over again.]
Current reviews: "While “De la capat” is a song with a message, it doesn’t feel like they’re trying to force it upon the audience." (Wiwibloggs)
Qualifier?: Yes, every ex-pat Romanian will see themselves in this.
Will I be listening to this in a year?: Yes
Anyone fanciable?: No. But that's not the point.
Arbitrary Eurovision style score: 12
Georgia
| 16 | Georgia
 GPB | Nina Sublatti
|
Warrior |
Genre: Pop-Rock
How much of this can I remember?: The chorus is pretty good
Better than last year's entry?: Last year's car-crash could be followed with 3 minutes silence and be an improvement.
Best lyric: "World's gonna get up and see"
Current reviews: "Innovation, thrills, drama, excitement – Georgia have them all in bucket-loads.." (Wiwibloggs)
Qualifier?: You sort of hope they do and Russia doesn't.
Will I be listening to this in a year?: Yes
Anyone fanciable?: She rocks the emo thing
Arbitrary Eurovision style score: 7
So my preferred ten qualifiers are:
- Albania
- Armenia
- Belarus
- Belgium
- Estonia
- FYR Macedonia
- Georgia
- Romania
- Russia
- Serbia
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