Glum Sunday

I haven't blogged in a while have I?

I'm normally ranting off loads, but I guess I've been a bit glum lately and I haven't really felt like it. It feels like lots of things are going wrong and whilst I know that they are bound to improve, I'm kind of indulging myself a bit. Things are happening around me and I'm not really in control so there isn't a lot I can do, just ride it out I suppose.

It's a few things really... and oddly (or perhaps not) they all have the core theme of having my personality/individuality/freedom of choice being suppressed. Don't get me wrong - I'm hardly Nelson Mandela fighting the oppression of a people; I'm just a bit fed up of having to do things I don't like for other people's benefit!

My Project Option has turned into a farce and I'm almost-disproportionately upset about it now. It's an 11-week module coming up in May where you learn "research methods" and study a clinical problem in depth. It's a long stoy that I'll rant about another time, but suffice to say I've had such a hard time solely because of other people's incompetence that I'm pissed off with myself for thinking I could win against the system by being keen and interested in my degree - evidently they University of Manchester Medical School would prefer that I am miserable.

As for LGBT stuff, I guess I'm going through a low patch with it really. I wish I could devote all my time to it, I get so much satisfaction from it. I guess I wish though that I was part of a larger team of people who felt the same as I did - I find myself agreeing to do things because I think they are important... but also because I know that if I don't, no-one else will. Either that or I wish I could care about things a bit less so that I was able to say no and not feel guilty!

What upsets me is when I get mocked for being enthusiastic and trying to infect other people with it - it's hard to feel like you're fighting all the time, especially with people who you might guess would be on your side.

However, I'm lucky to have people like my good friends Bev and Rach around to remind me why it's worth it!

There's also a fair few other personal things which I'm not going to do a Jodie Marsh and "reveal all" about, but needless to say that I'm fairly preoccupied about. In a way, it's quite funny because I'm actually both a supposed "victim" and a "perpetrator" of the same act which is upsetting me. And I don't really feel I've done anything wrong... but I suppose that is often the way with these things.

I wish people could just be upfront and honest with me - it's how I prefer things. In the words of my dad, there are so many things I don't know - and I never will if someone doesn't think to actually say to me.

One of the reasons I like Star Trek is the line from the ending of ST: The Next Generation, where it's noted that whilst you could go and explore the whole of space - you actually shouldn't forget to explore your own mind. For me, bettering myself is all about internal things - and I guess I've come to realise over the past few years that however much it might hurt at the time -I would always rather know the score, as it is.

The first weekend off (ish)

Is it February yet?!

I'm 6 days into 2007 and I'm already in a whirlwind of activities!

I finished my SSC in Bolton and was really sad to leave on Friday, I've loved my time there and I think Bolton is the place where I want to work in 18 months time. I got an "excellent" grade for the SSC report which I have been told means that I now qualify for an Honours point (having already got 2 other "excellent" grades). Which is quite cool really. Plus a Nurse Specialist wants my report to base some research of her own, and my consultant thinks I could submit the research part of it to a journal, as it's basically the first time this has been done, at least in the UK. So woohoo!

Unfortunately it's back to Hope for 5 weeks now... which is nice cos I'll see lots of people I like but I have found being in a DGH (District General Hospital, like Bolton or Trafford General) so good - you are considered part of the team rather than an annoyance so it'll be a bit of a culture shock going back.

Me and the PAL (Peer-Assisted Learning) team have also found time to meet up and finalise lots of things ready for our sign-ups next week, very exciting. We will be teaching Year 3 students clinical examination skills and will be looking at how effective we are perceived to be. We'll then present our findings to the North West medical education training day in March. It's not all exciting though - I photcopied about 500 sheets of paper yesterday, wrote a load of random numbers down to transfer to them, and now have to create a spreadsheet to hold the data... yawn.

And LGBT things loom on the horizon, I met the NUS LGBT Committee today in Kro whose staff were, somewhat unusually, 100% gay/lesbian, as if they knew we were coming...
Anyway, with LGBT Awareness Week needing some hefty organisation and Student Pride on her way, i think I'll be kept nice and busy for a while yet!

Anyway, I've just found that Star Trek VI is on Channel 4 so I'm off to watch the end of it. And My Six Feet Under boxset arrived today which is ace, so lots of televisual fun for me tonight!

(and I haven't even mentioned Jade back in Big Brother - Just Jade, Just Jack, Just Jackiey, Just Genius)

New Year Resolutions

Nothing that revelatory, but still, posting them here might make me take them more seriously!

1. Computers are for WORK, not for Facebook stalking...ahem...networking. I will stop mucking about when I have things that need to be done!
2. Everyone always joins gyms in January. I'm going to be realistic. I'm going to go once a week, and if I go more great, but let's not carried away huh? The thought of going is already making me sleepless.
3. Money is getting a little tight now that I'm in my 5th year of studentdom (incidentally, I recently realised that Southampton LEA gave me more per week to attend 80%+ of 6th form than the NHS gives me to train as a doctor... go figure). I'm going to write down what I spend every day so that I keep better track of what I have left!
4. Last year I promised to keep in touch with my friends more. I kind of did, but I can do better. So I am going to again be realistic and promise to write to everyone who's address I have at least once this year - and indeed, I will become even more of an old man and get an ADDRESS BOOK. Dear Lord.
5. I like it when I make a bloody effort to look nice (unlike now when I am sat with my hair dishevelled, my face all bristly and in my muddy ripped jeans), so I am going to moisturise, actually shave and try to think about getting my hair cut before it gets silly. (NB - I am still going to get my fantastic outfits from Primark though... maybe a bit of ASDA George if I get adventurous...)

Is there anything I have missed? Please feel free to tell me if you think I should be doing something, or indeed, if you catch me breaking these solemn promises...

Happy New Year! Isn't 2007 great?