One Month Ago

It has been one month since I last blogged. That's a while in Seb-land innit?!

I suppose a lot has happened in that time, but then it also doesn't feel that long ago - when I re-read the posts I realise the decisions I was talking about are still yet to be made. Oh well. It will happen in good time I suppose.

I met with my friend Elliot today in Kro and it was lovely! He's an old school friend I have known since I was 11, which is actually 12 years ago now! We did Spanish and drama together at school but I would say we've become better friends since we left. He's an ace guy and I trust him loads - he's the kind of guy who makes you feel relaxed and totally un-selfconscious.

Seeing him has reminded me of a lot - we talked about funny memories and reaffirmed our similar outlook on various things (such as faux-"travellers" and brunettes).

It's good to remind yourself how ace your friends can be. I guess you could say I've been a little more down in the last month, perhaps more introspective, and perhaps still a little unconfident in myself. I guess I've let myself be taken over by both internal and external pressures...or maybe it's just that I've not listened to enough pop music (and true to form I am listening to the glorious BWO right now).

I've done some wonderfully un-sensible, narcissitic and selfish things in the last month and I think I needed to because I was becoming a bit constrained by myself. With all this decadent self-discovery though has been the return of some unresolved things, and I've been quite pensive. It's odd really, I'm quite relaxed and yet frustrated, busy but lethargic, and happy but longing for something that I'm not quite sure what it is.
I find it hard to concentrate sometimes (more than usual anyway!), and my thoughts just sort of run away with themselves and so when, like today, I'm asked about why someone on medication for rheumatoid arthritis might be getting ulcers I don't think "oh...immunosuppression...corticosteroids...thin skin... blah blah"... because I'm a million miles away and instead I'm just like "UMMMM...ERRR...etc".

I think that in some ways I quite like exploring how I feel about things, but I do also wonder sometimes whether it would be easier to be Vulcan-like and be able to totally control my emotions. But I guess my mixed heritage pretty much disposes me to have a fairly "active" temperment - French, Italian, Polish & Scottish all working together to mean that I'm hopelessly romantic, (too) quick to react to things, fiercely proud and dutiful whilst never losing practicality!

But anyway, what have I done in the last month?

OSCE exam - was alright apart from having to ask the fit model to "take off his shirt" without sounding like I meant it for a shoulder examination, and not knowing that a community mental health team looks after people with mental health problems in the community (and in spite having spent 2 weeks working right with a community mental health team and loving it)
Student Pride - finally, with Bev's massive help, got the Union to book and kind of finalise the plans!
Southampton - made two visits, for Easter week and also the following weekend. Was nice to be with my mum and dad!
Loz - had a picnic in Loz's front room watching The Apprentice and road-tripped to So'ton via the awful Costa Coffee at Norton Caines services.
Trafford - started new placement at Trafford/Altrincham for 3 weeks - it's alright but reminded me how much I have forgotten! I spent today glued to the BNF looking up drug names... admittedly half of these were on behalf of my consultant... but they were things I'm sure I used to know. Have bumped into someone who I wasn't expecting - I know who they are and I'm willing to bet they don't know who I am. Oh well. It's fun to be back though - I seem to know half of the staff in that bloody place and it feels like a home from home!

Anyway, I really need to pack for Birmingham, where I'm heading tomorrow for NUS LGBT Conference... expect a report next blog!

This week... mid-March

This week, I have been mostly listening to:
Somewhat bizarrely, Duncan James & Keedie: I Believe My Heart!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWBfCeLaVmU

and also, the ace remix of what was quite a dull song before; Beyonce and Shakira, Beautiful Liar
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSpzwF8CBok

This week, I have been mostly watching:
Castaway - I really like it! I also love that the "Remote Control" section, where you can choose the gift the castaways recieve is always nice - clearly the producers thought we'd all be knobs and send them ironing boards, fishnet stockings and steal their chickens, but instead we're giving them a surfboard, fishing nets and new chicks!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/castaway

This week, I have mostly been saying:
"Distal/proximal phalangeal joints"...

...and "Would you like something to suck on for landing sir?" over and over again and still finding it funny.

This week I have mostly been eating:
VERY badly - today I have had a bagel, some crisps, a sausage roll, 2 pints and some Kro mussels (which ended up making an early exit...)

This week, I have mostly been thinking:
"If I ate better, I would sleep bettter and I would look bettter and feel better. And so, despite knowing this, why can I not do it?!!

This week, I have been mostly doing:
lots of socialising - I have been out with different friends nearly every day for over a week!

This week, I have been mostly paying:
for things that get pissed away about an hour later

This week, I have mostly been stressing about:
Joints; Elective; Project Option; SSC; LGBT Conference; and whether PBL is on Friday as the timetable says (which I hope for), or whether it has been moved to Thursday again, in which case I will miss it because I am already booked to be somewhere else!

Psychiatry versus Sumo/Safari/Spanish

I'm currently undergoing an elective dilemma.

Next year, for my final year of medicine before I get a job (woo hoo), I have an 8-week "Elective" period to fill. The point of this period is to "experience a different healthcare system" - which for a lot of medics means getting a few grand of daddy, zooming to Australia to sit on a beach and then pop into Sydney General for a few hours. Which is quite fun thing to do... but it isn't really me. Plus the fact that my elective period is right before my finals.

I originally thought I'd just stay in England, probably Greater Manchester, and do something "useful" in a revision sense.

I've now been bitten by a bug that sees a new elective idea each day!

I would quite like to do Psychiatry for the block, because I love it. I could do the whole lot in Bolton as they have kind of already agreed, but I would like to go away really, at least for a bit, because it's a pretty unique opportunity. SO I could split the block in two and do two 4-week blocks.

And this is where the dilemma begins to set in.

I have always wanted to visit:
Iceland, Japan and "Africa" (whatever that means).

But the first two present a bit of a communication barrier, especially where I want to do a rather communication-heavy specialty. The thought of going to Japan makes me so excited, but I just don't know that I would honestly get much out of it in a educational way, and it might drive me mad that I don't understand anything! Ditto Iceland, and also, it's so near it doesn't seem "worthy" enough. Somewhere like Ghana or Kenya in Africa could be good - because English is the official language in a few countries so at least there is opportunity for translating from native languages.

Or I could go to Spain or South/Central America and use my not-too-bad Spanish? Argentina, Chile, Mexico?

But then I think of Japan again... and then Africa... and then Bolton.

It's really a battle of the specialty versus the location... I don't think I can go somewhere I've always wanted and do what I want to do!

And we've not even started talking about how I'm going to pay for any of this yet.

This is really hard isn't it?!

Haiku

Holding the words in,
I cannot help but wonder;
Silence? For what reason?

Trying to be good,
To do the right, honest thing.
Yet I pay in blood!

The game of ego,
Not something I care to play;
Just get on and DO.

Open and closed and shut,
Minds unreceptive to thought,
"But, me! But, ME! But..."

The low road, the high,
Neither without obstacle;
To run, stay, or hide?

Comedown

It's been quite a nice week really. No real hecticness, just chilled!

I have rediscovered the joys of Civilisation II on my computer, yay! I have also tidied my room and it looks pretty ace with nothing on the floor, I have not been able to look at myself in the mirror close up for weeks (maybe that's a good thing eh?)!

I have been a bit of a homeboy actually, and it's been nice just doing boring things like eating cereal at 3pm watching Will and Grace on Living! I have spoken to my mum and dad 3 times this week and I had forgotten how much fun they are. I don't think my card arrived though, but I'll blame the stamps confusion Royal Maul has introduced with the whole "Large Letter" thing.

My solo weekday outing was to the UMSU elections on Thursday. To be honest, I wasn't looking forward to them after stories of last year's endless recounts and fighting, but it turned out to be quite a fun night. I quite enjoyed watching how much it meant to people that certain candidates be elected - I guess politics really does rock some people's worlds.

I was relieved when Bev allowed me to NOT be her scrutiniser - I was scared of how much responsibility you have - you basically announce the votes unofficially as they are counted - can you imagine if I got it wrong?!

My ace friend Bev triumphed though, and whilst her "opponent" Rubbiah would have likely been a great Welfare Officer too, I had to side with my mate of 3 years (especially after she had me cutting out a zillion flyers the night before)! I'm not ashamed to say that there were tears on my behalf - Bev was totally unphased and took it in her stride whilst I was laughing/crying with pride and happiness!

I'll be sad to see Mina go... she's really helped us lots over the year and used what she can to make things better. But to see Bev in the Welfare Office will be surreal!

The other highlight of my week, was, of course, the joys of Scooch with wrinkles, performing to the max on Saturday night. I'm excited to see them in Helsinki for Eurovision in May, I think they will do alright (although somewhat scarily, there are far camper acts than them, look for Ukraine's entry, dear god). They won't win, but then that's not what it's about - how dull would Eurovision be if we hosted it in the UK? Last time it was Ulrikka Jonsson - I guess we'd have Kate Thornton or Fearne Cotton and they would be have funny accents or slightly odd English, and that's part of the fun!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kNoAddyUMQ

This week...

To make a trio of blogs, here is what I have been mostly doing this week.

This week, I have been mostly listening to:
"I Want Candy" - Melanie C & "Flying The Flag" - Scooch (our potential Eurovision entry)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISlAMQurClA


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qP4Rus8Lqs

Both these songs have been growers - I'm still a bit "hmmm" about Mel C's fringe, and also the 90s beat of Scooch. But then I love the trumpets in I Want Candy and sexual innuendo in Scooch's song!


This week, I have been mostly watching:
Comic Relief Does Fame Academy (sorry to see Zoe leave last night)

This week, I have mostly been saying:
"So... have you ever felt so low that you might consider taking your own life?" - the joys of psychiatry patient interviews

This week I have mostly been eating:
McDonalds - I have been 4 times this week - interestingly in 4 different places (Salford, Bolton, Stockport and Fallowfield!)

This week, I have mostly been thinking:
"It's all coming together!" - I have an idea for my elective, woohoo!

This week, I have been mostly doing:
lots of tidying - my room is beautiful!

This week, I have been mostly paying:
Credit Card bills. :-( (Goodbye interest-free period)

This week, I have mostly NOT been watching:
The Interpreter, my current LoveFilm rental, which I have had for 2 weeks and so heavily damaged my chances of making my subscription worthwhile this month.

PAL in ME

[l-r Fozia, Kat, Milli, Seb]

LGBT Awareness Week wasn't the only thing filling my time in the first week of March. I was also preparing for a workshop which I was to deliver along with Fozia, Kat and Milli on Thursday 1st March.

There was a lot of hectic preparations and practice, but we all arrived at Foz's in the morning, dressed to kill (I even shaved off the dubious beard) for our drive to Wythenshawe.

We had a workshop session to demonstrate our Peer-Assisted Learning project to staff involved with Medical Education from the North West region. There were 2 sessions of 90 minutes each, and we each had sections that were 'ours' - although our comfortableness meant we often interacted with each other! I was "Geek Boy" with the statistics we gained from our research - which left me open to a few tricky questions!

Our workshops went really well. We really fell into our stride and knew our stuff. We really impressed the people who came and it was an ace feeling! A low was Dr Mark Bradbury falling asleep in the corner, but I suppose it has given me newfound respect for teachers who have to put up with less-than-ideal pupils!

Our new goal from the workshops is to make the project sustainable, and so once we've all had a relax, I'm sure we'll be up and ready to start recruiting and making this pretty damn brilliant!

So to my new friends and pioneers, Kat, Fozia, and Milli, cheers to us!

Lend Us A Hand

I've been hibernating. (Well... kind of.)

Just over a week ago was LGBT Awareness Week in the Students' Union. It was, quite simply, brilliant. And it kept me so damned busy I haven't blogged in ages. And, because I think someone might be interested.

In the week beforehand we had a lot of fun painting the banner (I did the "D!" in Violet), and then getting to maul Rachel, Bev and Natalie who were wearing the white hoodies, which we then adorned with handprints. Ian, Stu and I had a great laugh running about the Union with paint-soaked hands. Thanks to everyone that came and helped - I won't namecheck you all again and risk me forgetting someone (with, I imagine, heinous consequences if I do), but I hope you all felt freaking proud seeing the banner up in front of the Union. Mina (Welfare Officer) commented that it looked like a professional banner, so well done guys!

The stall looked great, and I know Natalie and I had lots of fun running about campus in our hoodies and rainbow umbrellas. We certainly got noticed (as it was, (1) rather sunny and also (2) the wind kept blowing our cheap umbrellas out resulting in many comedy moments where we had to wrestle them back into shape).

Turnout at the evening events understandably dipped after the fiasco of Tuesday's film. After 3 DVD players, a change of room and nearly one hour's hanging around, we could not, in the end, watch Bev's (largely-in-German) film, Paragraph 175, as the UMSU does not appear to provide batteries for its remote controls, resulting in our inability to turn subtitles on. Oh dear. Thanks to Neil for inadvertantly turning off the projector and getting a cheer, and to Danny for trying to find some AAA batteries. I have now developed a pathological need to carry batteries with me wherever I go.

Those of you that came to Wednesday's Quiz seemed to enjoy it, and Jen and I definitely enjoyed ourselves, especially with our dance-montage, Supermarket Sweep pricing game, and our never ending questions (thanks to Siobahn and Rachel for providing some of the harder questions). Well done to everyone that came and I hope that you didn't puke on the Charlemagne/Champers, and that no-one was irreprably damaged by the 85p Tanning Wipes.

Friday's rainbow group hug was amazing. The aim of it was to get Manchester to see that there is still a campaign for LGBT equality, and it was also quite an important thing that LGBT people could be open and proud in public. I won't be wearing a rainbow cape every day, but it was important for people to see that LGBT students still have to fight for true equality.

About 40 of you came and joined us on the Union steps and we really got noticed. Well, maybe that and the creepy black silouettes behind us, each with a disturbing statistic on them.

In case you didn't get a chance to read all the stats, they are still be displayed in the Peer Support Centre, but I'll also put them here:

40% of youth do not feel safe in their school because they are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or questioning

90% of young Lesbian, Gay & Bisexual people have experienced verbal abuse because of their sexuality

70% of Lesbian, Gay & Bisexual people are too scared to report homophobic incidents to the police.

In 8 world countries, the punishment for male homosexual acts is death.

82% of secondary school teachers are aware of homophobic verbal bullying among students in their school.

and, in my view, the worst:
30% of young lesbian, gay and bisexual people have tried to commit suicide more than once.

I hope that some of the people who had to make their way past these figures, or read them whilst passing on the bus (or indeed, whilst on the bus with us...) were surprised or shocked. A lot of people think that there isn't a need to campaign for LGBT issues. I used to think that too, and then I realised I thought that because I was/am lucky. My family support me, I have lots of friends, I'm going into a profession that is working hard to stamp out homophobia, and the laws of my state allow me to be who I am.

I hope that LGBT Awareness Week made someone ask "What does LGBT mean?", or in some way helped up the recognition of our campaign. I think it did. Thanks for "Lending A Hand".

24/7

This has been my week:

Monday 19th February
Up at 6.30am
GP day cancelled, so was going to go see some elctroconvulsive therapy in Bolton, but after getting and getting ready I decided that I really had too much to do so decided to make the day a "work at home" day. Lots of LGBT Awareness Week planning (which is bascially a zillion emails, mucking about with my design skills on Word and Paint, and Facebooking to the max), lots of planning for the Peer-Assisted Learning workshop and lots of eating rubbish.
Then met Bev to go though some poster designs and the times of events in the JR Library.
Topped the day off with an LGBT Society meeting around the ridiculous Union foyer sofa, and then a 3 hour workshop planning session, where we laughed at our Yahoo! Avatars, came up with great visualisations such as the triangle pyramid for our PowerPoint! We also had some tasty Domino's Pizza with the help of buy one get one free vouchers!
Got home to have a chat with Steve then time re-check Googlemail for more LGBT things, then bed at 2.30am

Tuesday 20th February
Up at 7am
Drove to Charles House in Salford, a medium-secure psychiatric unit for a day's worth of sessions. Was really interesting seeing the patients and I obvioulsy loved the sessions on ethics and law within psychiatry.
Drove home looking forward to a night off before realising it was UMSU Union Council at 6pm.
Rang Bev and realised we needed paint for tomorrow so went on a wild goose chase to Stockport to come back largely empty-handed.
Council was always going to be a biggie what with the deadline for Constitutional changes due, so we were there until 8.30 when the last few selfish stragglers left and we dropped below the quorate regulations. There are a fair few changes which maybe should have been looked at but now never will be.
Then Bev and I raided B&Q Kingsway for paint. Thanks to Mike there - he was ace!
Got home shattered from the day, but then had to log on to upload AW posters for printing at U-Print. And then needed to do some work!
Bed at 2am

Wednesday 21st February
Up at 6am
Went to Bolton for a morning with the CRISIS team. Went with John to see a woman in the community and then was allowed to a proper assessment of an A&E referral for a woman with an alcoholic past and possible suicidal thoughts. It was pretty nerve racking but John made me feel really confident so that was ace. Then had a tasty RBH lunch (parmesan chicken, chips and carrots) before going to a ward round where there were some cases of injury-induced, drug-indued and idiopathic schizophrenia, anxiety-psychosis and hypermania.
Left Bolton for Student's Union to paint the Awareness Week banner. Ian had come up with a great design and Rachel had bought loads of snacks. I had a lot of fun with Ian, Bev, Rachel, Jon, James, Natalie, Devon, Jess, Felix, Tom and Stuart painting the amazing banner and the even better T-shirts and hoodies! It was a bit disappointing that people who'd said they'd come didn't, but the core people who've been really involved with Awareness Week were, as well as some new ones and it was a real bodning session (especially for girls at the end who were literally groped all over)
Got home to start work on the PAL workshop.
Bed at 3am.

Thursday 22nd February
Up at 6.30am
Drove to Bolton and it was a bit scary as my eyes started to go on the M61 - it was hard to keep them open.
Went out with the Dr Karl on visits: a man with reactive depression (and also a bizarre latent bipolar disorder probably as a result of a pituitary tumour in his brain). Got quizzed me on medial knowledge and it was odd how I kept getting the more obscure things before I got the more important (and obvious) ones.
Then went to see an interesting woman who had had an operation and was now convinced that pretty much any exertion would cause her damage. She was incredibly anxious and suspicious, but I really felt for her - her mood had totally changed in just a few months and I just willed her to be better so much. The Occupational Therapist taught her a relaxation exercise which I personally found useful! Karl was really good and the whole visit made me really quite sure that psychiatry is a likely career path for me.
Left Bolton after lunch (pesto chicken, chips and green beans - yum!) to run through PAL workshop with Milli, Kat and Foz. I was actually pretty exhausted by the time I arrived at Hope - there was an accident on M61 that delayed my journey and I was already pretty shattered from the previous two weeks of activity!
We did the workshop for Nasha and it went pretty well, although we realised that we actually had 90 minutes to fill instead of 45! This actually suits us better and allows for more interactivity so it's all good!
Got home at 8 and just did nothing. Had a bath and went to bed at 11pm - it was glorious!

Friday 23rd February
Spent the day at Hope as a student chaperone for GCSE students thinking of careers in healthcare. I really enjoyed it - from opening the day with a random introduction a largely-irrelevant video, to forcing a smile as I ended up working with Rosie Illingworth again and having my communication skills picked on (which was useful but also hard work!). Best bit of the day was leading a resus style session for the students with John Barber - I've never done anything like that before and it felt pretty good to know what I was doing!
Came home and watched 2 hours of Crystal Maze, ate fish and chips and peas!

This week, I have been mostly listening to:
I am literally obsessed with Anna Vissi, Call Me:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=algXWhcv3Ls

This week, I have mostly been saying:
"Vomidor", as in, the corridor where everyone vomited at Pangea. (c/o Natalie)

This week I have mostly been eating:
Aldi Maple and Pecan Crunch Cereal

This week, I have mostly been thinking:
I freaking love psychiatry.

This week, I have been mostly doing:
a shitload of typing

And so there you have it!

It's been a long time...

... but the time is finally near!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUmO-ELaR_o

The next fortnight is shaping up to possibly be the busiest in my entire life. There is a slight risk that I will actually collapse down in exhaustion, as nearly happened this week, so if you see me writhing on a floor, please slip a Pro-Plus under my tongue or take me for a coffee (take-away). And on Saturday March 3rd - do not expect to be able to rouse me, as I will be hibernating!

Preparations for LGBT Awareness Week are really stepping up, and there's loads for me to oversee and get done. I find it hard to sleep there is so much going on in my head!
Things to done by the team or dedicated Awareness Weekers include making lifesize wooden people, painting banners, writing things for Student Direct, writing press releases, emailing a zillion people, trying to keep an eye on the budget, ringing Bev at ever-more increasingly inappropriate times to wail like a banshee, making posters, hiring equipment and so on.

In the same week, I will be co-hosting a training workshop for all the staff involved in Medical Education in Manchester with Kat, Milli and Foz, so there is preparation to be done for that too. We're meeting on Monday over expensive but satisfying pizza to sort things out!

In amongst all this, I am trying to learn about Psychiatry in Bolton with Dr Y Singh, who is amazing. I actually love this disclipine and I'm pretty sure that psychiatry is somewhere I could end up now. I loved being in A&E with the CRISIS (urgent psychiatry referrals) team with all the people telling their stories about aliens in Bolton. I also really enjoyed Old Age Psychiatry (more aliens).
I'm attempting to look keen so that when I disappear for a week I don't look so bad - but I think I'm going to have to do the unthinkable and LGBT it in the day and Psych it by the night.

And so, I will be carrying some emergency chocolate at all times this week to promote serotonin release in my brain (to keep me happy), and to keep me a bit stimulated (the caffeine in chocolate). Please feel free to buy me some more if I run out! :-)