7 days to go

In 7 days and about 8 minutes time I will be sat back at home in Southampton, waiting for my mum, dad and brother to get themselves ready so we can drive to my granny in the New Forest ready to begin Christmas.

My grandfather was Polish, and so we celebrate Christmas Eve, which involves eating 7 types of fish, singing some carols and then heading to midnight mass. It's lovely for the most part, with all the traditions from leaving a place-setting free for Jesus (cos he's coming that evening you see) to bickering about the cooking and enduring the incense-heavy Mass.

I feel a bit selfish then when I feel a little uncomfortable at Christmas. I'm not out to some of my family, because the ones that would be alright with it would probably say to the ones that aren't. I'm not proud of this fact, and I wish I could be brave enough to be fully open. I dread when conversation approaches something like "Have you got a girlfriend?". I've never lied to this question - I don't have a girlfriend - but there is a definite feeling that I'm hiding something, which I hate because I just want to be honest.

I'm lucky that my close family are all so brilliant - and it could have been the case that I had no-one to support me, but luckily they know how it makes me feel and they help out by steering conversation away, and understand why I might disappear to my room for longer than I really need to "to find something".

There are many young LGBTQ people that don't have such a great family, or at least don't know that they have such a great family just yet. With a bit of thought, it's easy to see why LGBTQ people are so much more likely to become depressed at Christmas. Suicide rates are at their highest over the 'festive' period - because feelings of being alone are accentuated when the world around seems to be grouping off into family units.

http://www.childline.org.uk/SharpriseinsuicidecallswarnsChildLine.asp

http://www.pspflag.asn.au/newspaper.html#Christmas

Christmas is also a time when less-liberal Churches are brought more to the forefront and have the opportunity to voice homophobic beliefs. It's sad that they can't use the time of year to promote communionship rather than a need to segregate other human beings.

I guess for me, it's a time to realise that the need for LGBTQ organisations is still pretty important. There is so much needless suffering at one of the nicest times of year in what is a pretty progressive country. I hope that in 2007 we will see more LGBTQ people joining the campaign movement so that in Christmas 2007 there won't be so many young people feeling that there is no way out.

Eating properly

This is what I have eaten in the last few days. I am writing this to shame myself into trying harder!

Wednesday 13th December
Croissant
Vegetable Pasta Bake
Bakewall Flapjack
Bagel with peanut butter
Lots of Quality Street
Mince Pies and Bailey's cream (again)
3 coffees

Tuesday 12th December
2 croissants
Gingerbread Xmas biscuits
Cadburys Dairy Milk with Almond & Honey
Mince Pies and Bailey's cream
2 coffees
2 teas
Chicken Samba and Garlic Naan (c/o Spicy Hut)
2 Boddies
1 whiskey and ginger

Monday 11th December
Coffee
Walkers Ready Salted French Fries
Xmas Dinner (Turkey, sprouts, potatoes, carrots, stuffing)
approx 2 bottles red wine
1 Bucks Fizz

This isn't really hitting the old 5-a-day now is it?!

I think this may be a New Year Resolution kind of issue.

Sunday morning

It's been quite a good week really. I'm sat in my pyjamas and I'm fairly relaxed - which is good for me!

I'm loving Paediatrics at Bolton hospital - it's really confirmed for me that I want to be a paediatrician of some description. I'm up at 6.30 every day to drive there before the M60 traffic kicks in, but I am enjoying myself so much that I don't mind.

My SSC project there is in "Adolescent Health Services", and because people over 16 years old tend to be on adult wards, I scavenge around the site looking for teenagers, which has earned me a couple of suspicious looks when I wander to the nurses' station to ask "Hello! I'm Seb, I'm a medical student and I wondered if you had any teenagers on your ward". Everyone thinks I'm a paedophile - so I've started wearing my ID badge more prominently!

I actually think I want to work in Bolton, I have the same feeling I had at Trafford - and the bonus is that there are more things going on at Bolton (and less likelihood it will close down).

What's happened LGBT-wise this week? Well I trialled having the LGBT Welfare/Campaigns Collective at a different time to see if we would get some more people along but it didn't really work. It really brought home the message that we need to engage people into campaigns a bit more, and I wonder whether LGBT Awareness Week (February 2007) needs to make that one of its primary aims.

Having said that, the small band of us that there was did come up with some really good ideas for the week, which will be ace if we can pull them off! Caroline was a new face and she had lots of ideas, which was really satisfying and we spent over an hour coming up with things we can do.

After the Collective I went to the LGBT PG/Mature Students evening after a debate about whether I was eligible - I'm a graduate undergraduate who is 23 years old but not really a postgraduate or a mature student. However, when two 21 years old Masters students turned up, it seemed okay that I could go! The 12 of us had a really nice dinner and it was great to meet some new people - I felt really comfortable and I'm really looking forward to the next one now.

That's it, apart from Matt and my vague stalking of Kieron Richardson from Hollyoaks. Neither of us watch it, but he is on the cover of the AXM magazine in the LGBT Library at the moment. And we probably wouldn't have clocked him if it weren't for his minder - you can't help but be noticeable when you have "people" around I guess!

He was quite shy, but didn't seem to mind us whacking him with our drunken dancing! I think Matt quite fancied him - which I feel safe to say seeing as he hates computers and will never read this!

Cascade

As always happens when I should be focussing on something else (in this case, learning the National Service Framework for Children, Young people & Maternity Services http://www.dh.gov.uk/PolicyAndGuidance/HealthAndSocialCareTopics/ChildrenServices/ChildrenServicesInformation/fs/en)
I have lots of other ideas filling up my head that I really would like to do something about.

Would anyone like to pay me just to come up with ideas all day and make and do things with them?!

As I am rather LGBT-obsessed at the moment, this is where my ideas seem to be focussed. Here is my relentless train of thought (somewhat condensed for attempted clarity):

I am worried that Student Direct (the UMSU newspaper) will not give us much space for LGBT Awareness Week 2007. So I would like to make our own magazine. That then made me think of the god-awful snubbing of our Peer Support Centre article, and I wonder whether the PSC groups should club together to create a "Welfare magazine", it would kind of be a one-off, with lots of advice info from the different groups, that would also help publicise the Peer Support Centre.
I'm now back on LGBT Awareness Week. Where will I be in February? Last year I just took a week off but I've realised I have no idea whether that's going to be possible this year. I really want to though. I want to invite lots of people to come up, I want the week to be brilliant! I'm hoping Bev and chums from IGLYO will do something, I would love Imaan to come again, and I know Shell is planning some LGBT History things. I'm excited! I'm looking forward to bribing people into giving ideas on Thursday in exchange for ASDA snacks and goodies.

I should stop now, my brain is like a leaking bucket and if I don't plug the hole then it's going to get bigger and I'm already going on enough as it is!

So much time, so little to do...

...or reverse that, as Willy Wonka would say.

I feel a bit melancholy today. I started at Royal Bolton Hospital today and literally had all the energy in me sapped out by the ridiculous induction programme.
I spent a lot of time "talking with my partner" about "how would I like to be treated if I was a patient?", "what is equality & diversity?" and "what things might start a fire?". I have been told such inane things as "saying thank-you is nice" and "be nice to patients".
It is a bit silly because I personally feel these qualities should have been screened before someone is offered a job - if I am a racist, xenophobic moron who thinks being nasty to patients is the way to go, then maybe it is too late to find out by the time of my induction.

There was then the usual hassle of not having my name on any lists, which is oddly rather affecting, as though you have been forgotten by everyone you meet!

I will have to start properly tomorrow - I am doing a brief study of Adolescent Health Services, which is a topic I am excited about, but I am also feeling rather lazy, and I have the feeling I am not going to make the most of my time in Bolton!