In 7 days and about 8 minutes time I will be sat back at home in Southampton, waiting for my mum, dad and brother to get themselves ready so we can drive to my granny in the New Forest ready to begin Christmas.
My grandfather was Polish, and so we celebrate Christmas Eve, which involves eating 7 types of fish, singing some carols and then heading to midnight mass. It's lovely for the most part, with all the traditions from leaving a place-setting free for Jesus (cos he's coming that evening you see) to bickering about the cooking and enduring the incense-heavy Mass.
I feel a bit selfish then when I feel a little uncomfortable at Christmas. I'm not out to some of my family, because the ones that would be alright with it would probably say to the ones that aren't. I'm not proud of this fact, and I wish I could be brave enough to be fully open. I dread when conversation approaches something like "Have you got a girlfriend?". I've never lied to this question - I don't have a girlfriend - but there is a definite feeling that I'm hiding something, which I hate because I just want to be honest.
I'm lucky that my close family are all so brilliant - and it could have been the case that I had no-one to support me, but luckily they know how it makes me feel and they help out by steering conversation away, and understand why I might disappear to my room for longer than I really need to "to find something".
There are many young LGBTQ people that don't have such a great family, or at least don't know that they have such a great family just yet. With a bit of thought, it's easy to see why LGBTQ people are so much more likely to become depressed at Christmas. Suicide rates are at their highest over the 'festive' period - because feelings of being alone are accentuated when the world around seems to be grouping off into family units.
Christmas is also a time when less-liberal Churches are brought more to the forefront and have the opportunity to voice homophobic beliefs. It's sad that they can't use the time of year to promote communionship rather than a need to segregate other human beings.
I guess for me, it's a time to realise that the need for LGBTQ organisations is still pretty important. There is so much needless suffering at one of the nicest times of year in what is a pretty progressive country. I hope that in 2007 we will see more LGBTQ people joining the campaign movement so that in Christmas 2007 there won't be so many young people feeling that there is no way out.
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