The Greatest Day

It's been a month since I last blogged... I've been getting slack.

My life is probably a lot better now than it has been. I guess I've learnt a bit better how to deal with things and I'm starting to have a life again.

The day-to-day stuff is pretty much the same, though the day passes quicker cos I work with some fantasticaly funny nurses who really make my day... I'm sometimes in near hysteria as we laugh so much, and that's really nice.
I wonder if there will come a time when I truly feel confident that I can do my job well... I suspect that it never totally happens which is why all doctors do neurotic things like call their wards at 11pm because they forgot to check an Xray or something. I did have a run of 8 cannulas inserted first time which I was pretty proud of. I still hate damned procedures though!
I got to work with a different SHO this week and it's been really brilliant, she's amazing because she is so relaxed but gets everything done and ensures we both go home on time having left nothing important to do the next day. I actually quite enjoyed this week of work, and that's a first, so I'm rather pleased.

I recently did some weekend nights which I was totally terrifed of, but ended up really enjoying. I only really feel like a doctor on nights, I feel like I can actually do something useful, and despite the fact it's quite hard, I prefer the challenges because they're more manageable... and probably I like the fact that I don't have to be concerned with the long-term problems of everyone.
I did some crazy stuff that I didn't really think people actually did, like maintain someone's airway for nearly 2 hours whilst we tried to find an intensive care bed. I also did my first chest compressions on a real person, which is a weird experience... especially when you look at the face of the person whose heart you are working for, and realise that you clerked them in a fortnight previously with what you thought was an uncomplicated urinary tract infection and here they are, in a somewhat more serious condition.
But then again, I clerked a woman with a rash that decided 3am on a Saturday was the optimum time to present to A&E cos it was "quite itchy".
And of course, the real bonus of working nights is getting to wear scrubs... and I don't even feel embarrassed saying that I look totally hot in my blues... I got asked out twice on my nights!

In other news...

- I bought the boxset of Heroes to get in on the act and it is literally amazing... I'm waiting for Season 2 now so I can catch up and start watching on BBC. I kept putting it off and ending up missing more and more so I'm chuffed to now understand why everyone was raving about it!

- Now that I'm living like a millionaire (well, it feels like that, finally having a wage), I surprised myself by making a clothes purchase without even looking at the price, cos I knew I would buy it anyway. For anyone that has seen me rummaging through the Primark bargain bin, this may come as shock news, but no fear, I don't think my frivolous spending habit is sustainable, so normal serice will be resumed soon I'm sure.

- I'm off to Spain on Wednesday for 6 days and I can't wait, I'm going to see my best friend Steve in Seville which will be ace. And then Ruth and I are going to large it up in Torremolinos, so it's gonna be an ace week off!

Well I'm still here. Which is no mean feat... the lack of blogs, and general tardiness in replying to everyone who's messaged, called or texted over the past month or so is a testament to what my life has become.

Can I say sorry for that now? I do keep trying to sit with Facebook and go through all my messages and reply to them. And I will call everyone back! (Especially you Gran... I haven't forgotten!)

So I'm 6 weeks in to my job. I don't cry every day now, which is nice. Indeed, I haven't in over a week, so things are obviously better. Well, maybe that's not true exactly, I think I'm just hardening up. I'm getting more bolshy though... my tolerance for rudeness, which already wasn't that great, has plummeted! I really can't stand people pissing about and treating others with no respect... I guess I'm fed up seeing people I care about upset because others around them are just being tossers.

I'm torn a bit really because there are definitely times in my job now where I find myself genuinely enjoying myself. Granted, these moments certainly consist of a very minor portion of my day, but they are there. I'm getting the cahnce to do the parts of medicine I like, which is namely talk to people.
As one of my favourite characters in "The Smoking Room", Annie, says, "I'm all about people".

And this reminds me of a passage in The Oxford Handbook of Medicine which talks very admirably of GPs, saying that they are specialists of their patients (rather than of a disease or particular organ system). And so this makes me think that perhaps I'd like to be, and would probably be a good, GP.

It's just the thought of more medicine in a hospital that puts me off!

Anyway, I'm getting a bit moany, so what good things are there? I've been working lately with Aga, who's brilliant and I really like her. And I've been eating lunch quite a lot at work now which is a definite improvement.

It's probably now time for me to start redeveloping a social life before I slip into hermit ways! If you want to help me with that, please get in touch!

And so it begins

Well, it's been 10 days since I started my new job as a junior doctor.

I now work in Care of The Elderly ward, and I imagine that my job is going to motivate me to write a lot about the NHS and what it's like to work as an "F1" doctor.

I've previously mentioned where I work, and so that might complicate matters... I've gotten in trouble with a big (ish) organisation before about my blog.

I guess the long and short of how I feel right now is that I don't think any medical school could adequately prepare you for starting work. I'm not saying anything new... people have said this for years!

I expected the feelings of inadequacy, borne of a lack of experience and familiarity, as well as the sometimes overwhelming sense of responsibility that is suddenly thrust upon you.
And I didn't think it would be easy to start with, and in that respect I've not been surprised.

I do, however, want to go on record as saying that it's really upset me how many of the promises I made to myself have already been broken. Before I started, I had a mental list of things I would never do, and ways that I wanted to act.
I guess I'm realising that the trade-off for having a world-class health service that offers near-equality of care for everyone, is that it's pretty difficult to achieve the optimum standards that you might desire for yourself or your family. I think I now understand why those with money choose private healthcare... its not the "health" part that's significantly different, its the "care" part.

Patients in the NHS almost without fail recieve adequate care. And yet, despite knowing that, it can be really hard to not spend 5 minutes with all your patients, just listening to them, because you just have other "more important" tasks to complete. And it's hard because you know that those 5 minutes could really brighten someone's day... and we're taught at medical/nursing school that happy patients heal quicker... which is why the emphasis on communication skills is there within training, because it's previously been an element lacking in UK healthcare.

I'm sure I've made a difference in a few people's days... but there are plenty of patients whom I've seen who I didn't "do my best" with... I had to settle for adequacy.

And so came my epiphany... as a nation, as a workforce, and as patients, we complain about the NHS because we don't really accept adequacy as acceptable. We want more. And why shouldn't we?

I suppose in the next two years I'll get plenty more opportunities to test out my theory!

"Is there a (14 day old) doctor on the plane...?"

It was about halfway through my final year of medical school, in about February 2008, when I first started getting the fear that my medical training would be be necessary in some strange situation... like an old lady falling off the bus or talking a would-be suicide victim off the Itchen Bridge.

I guess this was partly based in my experience of using my First Aid training the day after I flunked my St John's Ambulance assessment back at school. A man had an epileptic fit on the bus and so I had to "help" out. Well I did what I could and he didn't die so that equals sucess right?!

In actual fact, the fear that I would soon be a doctor meant I that had started to carry my mini-Oxford Handbook of Clinical Medicine around with me wherever I went... in my carry-on bag on planes, if I went home on the train for the weekend, that sort of thing.

And indeed, when Lucy and I flew to Tokyo about two weeks ago, and she spied this little book of knowledge in my bag and wondered why I'd brought it. "Because..." I replied, "... I know one day I'll need it."

Little did I suspect that day would come just 10 days later, on our return flight from Tokyo into Heathrow.




The long journey home...
Lucy and I had made our way to Narita Airport from a great hostel having experienced a 30-second earthquake the night before. We were kinda sad to be leaving Japan, as we'd had a great time. We did all the usual stuff at the airport and boarded the plane in good time. Before take-off, we got moved to emergency exit seats (which some long-legged saps had paid £75 for the privilege of!) as the economy section was more than half-empty. How lucky we felt, and almost excited at the prospect of being allowed to yell "Unfasten your seat belts and get out!" (seriously) should evacuation be necessary.
We took off and enjoyed our meals and movies from seats sprawled across the cabin, amused that we had far more space than those in Premium Economy in front of us.
Midway through my film, Juno, however, the audio stopped to signal a cabin-wide announcement:

"If there is anyone with medical training aboard, please could they make themselves known to the cabin crew, who will be making their way through the cabin"

My heart, at this point, was in my mouth, and my chin was at the floor, as Lucy turned around in her seat, and simply took my outstretched hand in comfort.

"What are you going to do?" she asked, mindful that about 4 hours previously I had said one reason not to have "Dr" on my credit cards was so that I could hide in such a situation.

The answer, however, came quickly, as two of the Japanese crew in their red jackets swished through the curtain.

"Hi." I gulped.

"Are you a doctor?" asked the stewardess, perhaps wondering if someone quite so scruffy could actually be a respectable physician.

"Um... well, technically yes I am... I graduated 2 weeks ago and have yet to start my first job. So, I can help as much as I can... but it might be good to see if there is anyone more senior about?" I said, probably far less eloquently than Ive written.

And off the stewardesses went, leaving me thinking that surely there's someone better than me aboard.

But apparently not, as they soon swooshed back, and there I was, ushered up to the Upper Class section of the plane, my head racing with gory thoughts of of throwing minature bottles of vodka across someone's chest before I pierce it with a coat hanger. Or having to deliver twins. And other such outlandish scenarios that would befit a disaster film.

And then, there was my patient. He wasn't a woman lying screaming with babies all ready to come out. Or an old guy clutching his chest. He was a young Japanese boy, sat in his mummy's arms. And I have to admit, I mentally (if not, indeed audibly) let out a sigh of relief. It wasn't SERIOUS serious. Phew.

Now I don't want to say too much online about the individual details of the case; confidentiality and all that. But essentially, I did what any medical student has done a lot of in their GP placements. There was enough, however, to get worried about, there were some high temperatures, lack of equipment, difficult history and of course the fact that everything had to be translated via a crew member. It's hard to appear empathetic when all you can say is, "two beers thanks ['ni biru, arigato', by the way]" in someone else's language.

And so, after I'd examined my patient and decided that whilst he was ill, there was nothing serious enough to divert the plane, I reassured the family and took a seat to write some notes, whilst chatting with the cabin crew, who all seemed to think I was some kind of hero just for smiling and prodding someone with a stethoscope.

I got invited to the bar, though realising I now had to keep a clear head for the flight should anything change, I didn't take up the opporunity, and actually just wanted to head back and finish my film whilst having a sleep. So I did just that, feeling pretty good about myself and what a good story this would make. And for the next few hours, I got waited on by the staff, who kept offering me things and making me feel pretty special. Hell, the manager came and gave me some bottles of wine to say thanks!

But that wasn't the end.

Later on, as meal #2 arrived, and seconds after I'd unwrapped my vegetarian quiche, a stewardess appeared. With a face that said, "I'm really sorry... but"... and sure enough those words came out of her lips too. And so off I trotted back up the plane, where there was now a new problem with my new Japanese friend... some tummy trouble.
I had a look and concluded it was probably constipation, and said to simply let me know if the pain got worse.

As I headed back to my seat, the senior crew member followed, carrying my dinner which they had kept heated for me. But one senior crew was apparently not enough... her Japanese counterpart also followed, carrying a plate with an Upper Class meal of steak and potatoes... I was being well and truly pampered. I sat and tucked in whilst my fellow economy passengers pretended to enjoy their quiches. But barely was I halfway through when I got called back up to the front of the plane.

The abdominal pain had got much worse. Now, the thing here is that, were I an F1 (junior doctor) in A&E with a kid presenting with increasing abdominal pain on a background of high temperature... well I'd want to at least consider the possibility of appendicitis.
And the trouble was, despite my suspicions that it was NOT appendicitis, that I couldn't seem to definitively rule it out - indeed, symptom wise, it was getting hard to ignore.
A quick glance at the Handbook did nothing to help me relax. And we had just under 3 hours left to fly. Everything was complicated by the fact that the family were due to fly onwards from London to another country. And I was the one having to weigh up being over-cautious with being safe. When I'd never actually worked as a doctor, let a lone a paediatrician, before in my life.

I took the Japanese senior crew member aside and just told the truth:

"Okay, if we were in a UK hospital, I would have referred this to someone senior by now... it's beyond my experience... I've done 8 weeks of paediatrics as a student and my career goal is in psychiatry. I've not even started work yet... and even when I do, I'm supposedly under supervision! I can't rule out the possibility that we might need an ambulance waiting for this little boy when we land. We probably don't... but right now we need to be ready because I can't, in all good faith, just say everything is fine."
"Essentially, I need this boy to go to the toilet, then feel better, for me to feel better. I'm going to keep checking him every 10 mins or so, and we'll be better able to decide in about half an hour. What kind of help do we have access to? Can you find out?"

Cue, some brief stuttering from my new air steward friend, but he quickly regained his professionalism and we sprung into action.

So did we have to land the plane in Kazakhstan?

Well... no. Indeed, never have I been happier to see a little boy emerge from a toilet having been sick, and "feeling better". Thank heaven.

I wrote up my plan and explained it with the family. The Japanese crew had rememebred there was a Japanese medical centre in London, actually fairly near Heathrow, and so we organised for the family to be fast-tracked through immigration to a taxi so hey could go straight there once we arrived in Heathrow. And I think we skipped ahead in the landing queue too (we landed 40 mins early).

We prepared the boy for landing... with sweets and also the help of my 24 year old teddy "Panda" (who goes everywhere with me), and I sat and chatted with the crew, whom I'd gotten to know pretty well during the flight.

Landing was uneventful, luckily, as I'd insisted to Lucy that should we crash, I would not be fufilling my duties as an emergency exit operator as I had worked enough for one flight!

Indeed, we reflected on the fact that I'd just done my first ever official duties as a real doctor, a mere 14 days after my GMC registration had come through (hell... it's so recent I've yet to be put on the updated list of registered medical practitioners yet!). And where I'd been worrying about starting on my ward in Bolton, I'd actually just done something far scarier. So Bring it on Bolton (actually, please don't)!

As I got off the plane, saying goodbye to the family, wiking at the crew, I went for it, boldly commenting that "I never actually got to sit at the Upper Class bar, this time, did I... and my name better be on a database somewhere now for when I next fly..."

Cue laughter, and lots of smiles... but I'm not lying when I say that if I don't get a letter from Richard Branson, I'll be mightily disappointed...



Signed,

Dr. Sebastian L Pillon
GMC Number: 7017305

Japan

For those of you who don't know...

I'm off to Japan tomorrow with Lucy for 10 days. We plan to go to Tokyo and Kyoto, and maybe elsewhere but we haven't decided yet.
I've always been attracted to the weird tradition/technology mix that I think Japan is... I find the psyche of it fascinating. And this is the kind of trip I won't be able to really do for a few years, so its kind of my last big adventure for a while.

We booked it a while ago as an adventure and whilst I'm excited about it, I don't mind admitting that I'm also pretty nervous.

I've never left Europe before... and in Europe I've always known that I could come home if I had had enough... but that's not an option when I'm 12 hours and a lot of money away!

I can't even put my finger on why I'm so scared... the sensible part of me knows that I'll be pleased to have gone and when I come back I will have stories to tell. I guess I'm a natural born worrier, and I don't really feel in control of this trip.
There's so many variables and I think I won't feel comfortable until I've made some decisions about where we're staying and things are booked... even though I know I can rough it and I do fine (Ask Olly about the hostel in Montenegro... it doesn't get a lot worse than that!)

Anyway, I guess I'm writing this blog as a plea really. I tend to get pretty homesick. And so now my dad has lent me his Japan-ready 3G phone, I feel a bit more connected to the UK! (I've put some numbers on it but can't easily move my whole phone book).
I'd really love to get txt messages, emails and facebook posts from my friends throughout the trip... just a few lines will really help pick me up if I feel a bit worried or homesick. I'd really appreciate it so much.
if you do txt... please sign off with your name in case I havent moved your number to the temporary phone.

And thank you to all those who have dealt with my worrying over this past week... namely:
- Celia and Grace for their Facebook msgs
- Olly and Carphone Warehouse for letting me take his breaks to reassure me
- Elly for the great advice on what to see
- Uncle Henry for being unwittingly very reassuring
- Lucy herself for being really understanding
and most of all...
- to Mum and Dad, who are always there with the right words and actions to help me, whenever and whatever I need. Thank you.
X

Right... to learn some useful phrases!

Sayonara!

Seb

Holiday in a Nutshell

- Lying on a pebbly beach and not having to deal with sand
- Greeting my brother at Dubrovnik bus station
- Looking out over Kotor Bay at sunset
- Drinking beer for €1.50
- Climbing up mountains
- Getting on buses when I'm not 100% certain that it goes where I want
- Bartering in Serbian
- Admiring tapestries of Tito
- Getting met at bus stations by hot Bosnians
- Drinking beer for 3KM (=€1.50 =£1)
- Eating čevapćići for every meal
- Watching TV at night on a balcony, talking about history
- Hanging out with cool people I've just met
- Getting the email addresses of cool people I've just met so I can then go visit them in Finland/Canada/Ireland
- Hysteria on night trains
- Going back to a cool hostel
- Eating a massive salad for 30kuna (£3)
- Drinking beer for 18kuna (£2)
- Doing a Welsh accent and making the whole dorm think I am crazy
- Arriving in Slovenia
- Seeing Tina at Vila Veselova (www.v-v.si)
- Wow-ing at the Škocjan Caves
- Swimming in Lake Bled
- Eating Burritos with cool New Yorkers we randomly bumped into in two different places
- Drinking coffee in a cafe at 11am
- Hanging out with my little brother and having those chats that make you feel really good.
- Strategically writing postcards so that no-one realises that I keep using the same phrases

6 days to go

Wow.

In 6 days, I'll begin my finals. I've been at Uni for almost 6 years now... and if all goes well I'll soon be Dr. Pillon. Isn't that weird? I'm not sure I like how it sounds to be honest: "Doctor Pillon".

And so, as is my way, I'm rather pensive. I have been for a few weeks now. My life is all abut to change... I'm getting a job! I've essentially been in school for the last 20 years of my life, and so the thought of that is a little scary. Not least cos my job is going to involve being responsible for people's lives... well at least some of the time.

Perhaps more is that fact that I'm going to be saying goodbye to a fair few friends as they move off to other cities to start their jobs. I'm pretty sure we'll still keep in touch, and hopefully meet up every now and then, but it's going to be sad all the same. There are people like Rachel, Andy, Katharine & Nick who I've gotten to know only this year, and they're ace! So I'm going to be going on holidays to Liverpool, Edinburgh, Leeds & Devon I think.

Then there's the student stuff... I'm really going to miss that 10% off thing. And being able to get up at 9am, watch America's Next Top Model and doss about.

Ah well, it's also a little bit exciting, I'm gonna be a doctor!

But I will still be silly, jump about, laugh all the time... just maybe I'll have to do it more in private now!

I'm Not Stupid!

I've just watched Shipwrecked on 4oD. And it's done my head in.

Why do they feel the need to KEEP ON re-capping what has literally just happened. I mean, if I wasn't actually watching the programme, then maybe I'd need to be constantly reminded that "the Tigers have made a secret deal with Mike... and Matt is unaware that if he chooses Tigers, he will be sent home". Though maybe it says a lot about a programme that they think it must be so boring and unwatchable that you won't be paying attention.
I actually started counting how many times the narrator rehashed this really-quite-simple-to-understand premise. He said it 7 times. In 48 minutes.

I actually burst out laughing when in the "tense moment" after the two new arrivals had chosen Tiger Island, the narrator says "and so now, the Tigers must choose who to accept".

So I'd like to make a plea... if you are so stupid that you are unable to follow a programme as intellectually challenging as Shipwrecked, please go ahead and maroon yourself somewhere.

(Phew, rant over)

Happy Birthday Olly!

Today is my little brother's birthday, so I thought I'd make a show of the fact he's getting old, ha ha!



Olly is an ace brother, he's one of the best friends I have actually. It wasn't always the way... we used to fight on and off a lot, but I think we've both come to enjoy our differences. He's really been there for me when I've needed someone, and we've also had great fun together, doing stuff like canoeing in Slovenia or larging it up in Pop.
I like how Olly is laid back... I've really learnt from that cos I can be a bit uptight sometimes. He's really loyal and probably the most generous person I know.

He makes films, and if you haven't seen already, why not take a look at what he does, it's pretty amazing actually...



Zero Budget Productions

So, anyway, Happy Birthday Olly!

It's the most wonderful time of the year (part II)

So here are my favourite songs appearing in the second Semi...

Semi-Final 2 - Thursday 22nd May

01 - Iceland: Eurobandið "This Is My Life"

Once you've listened to this you'll probably understand why I keep playing it on YouTube. The singers are really good and I love this Europop shit. Iceland never do very well at Eurovision so I'd like this one to at least break the Final.

02 - Sweden: Charlotte Perrelli "Hero"

After a year out, we're back to the great Swedish pop choon, with wind machines aplenty. Take a look at Charlotte's face - it's hard to believe she's a real person - it's like someone shrink-wrapped her head in plastic.

04 - Ukraine: Ani Lorak "Shady Lady"

This starts off a bit weird but it's a grower. Ukraine produce a great song year upon year. Oh, and she's got a great pair of lungs on her too...

08 - Czech Republic: Tereza Kerndlová "Have Some Fun"

This song appears to be about a casual shag and includes the great lyrics "If you wanna have some fun then don't run" and "I just wanna be your friend for fun fun fun".

09 - Belarus: Ruslan Alekhno "Hasta La Vista"

I kept waiting for this song to be crap but it's actually pretty good. There's something odd about this guy to look at though...

12 - Bulgaria: Deep Zone & Balthazar "DJ, Take Me Away"

This is quite surprising really, it doesn't sound like a Eurovision song at all, it's like a song you'd hear in a club, not be sure of at first, but then keep singing for days after.

14 - Georgia: Diana Ghurtskaia "Peace Will Come"

With a title like that, she's sure appealing to all those warring nations. But it's actually not as sickly as you initially imagine it's going to be.
My favourite bit is when you think she's started sining in Georgian, but its still in (unitelligble) English.

16 - Malta: Morena "Vodka"

This song is totally bonkers, you wonder what it must have beaten to become Malta's entry. Having said that, it's kinda engaging, and has the brilliant lyric "Vodka is the secret word", so the NHS probably won't be hiring her for their cut binge-drinking campaign any time soon.

And so there we go. And what, might you be thinking, are the UK sending to Eurovision? We're sending a binman who lost, i.e. DID NOT HAVE, The X-Factor.
Here is his video.

You might think I've put the wrong link, as Andy Abraham appears to have no rhythm and indeed looks rather bored throughout. Why isn't he looking at the camera? Why isn't he tapping his feet in time?
But it's too late now, this is what the British public are sending to beat all these great entries. Good luck Andy.

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

No, not Christmas... it's coming round to that time of year where odd English translations are celebrated, national costumes ridiculed and maps of Europe consulted as people ask "Where the hell are San Marino, Azerbaijan and Belarus?"

Yes, you've guessed it, the 53rd Eurovision Song Contest is less than 2 months away, and now that all the 43 participating countries have selected their entries, I've been scouring YouTube to see what there is to look forward to... and also where I can have my toilet breaks.

The Contest has changed a little this year - there are now two Semi-Finals on the 2oth and 22nd of May, followed by the Final on Saturday 24th May. And it's all coming from Beograd/Belgrade in Serbia - yes that country on the news all the time at the moment due to Kosovo's little declaration of independance... should make for a calm show huh?

There has been an underlying fear in my mind this year as the Contest has traditionally been held the week before Medical School Finals. Luckily though, the Contest is after my dreaded exams, meaning it's pretty likely our living room will be filled to bursting again this year.

10 countries from each Semi will go through to the final, and so I'm going to show you some of my favourites from each... let's see if my preferences match with those of the totally non-politically biased views of Europe.

Semi-Final 1 - Tuesday 20th May


02 - Israel: Bo'az Ma'uda "The Fire In Your Eyes"

Okay, so perhaps I like this cos Bo'az himself is a pretty picture... I definitely don't think Hebrew lends itself to singing very much.


07 - Azerbaijan: Elnur & Samir "Day After Day"

I always like the new countries' entries, they really go for it. And so here is the Azeri song, which could not be more camp if it tried really - a devil and a bleach-blond angel singing something or other to rock music, it's just brilliant.


08 - Slovenia: Rebeka Dremelj "Vrag naj vazme" (To Hell With It)

As Slovenia is my favourite country in the world, I have to like this song even if it is a bit duff. Well, it's not all bad, but it's safe to say Eurovision 2009 won't be in Ljubljana.


10 - Poland: Isis Gee "For Life"

Well after a quick break during Norway's typically nice entry (read: dull), here is what I think could be a winner actually. This song reminds me of Shiri Maymon (Israel) a few years ago, it's a really beautiful ballad sung by a blond with a good pair of lungs on her (read: a cracking rack). This is quite possibly my favourite song this year.


11 - Ireland: Dustin the Turkey "Irelande Douze Pointes"

This joke entry featuring a turkey puppet (where else but Eurovision?!) is actually alright - I like the name check of all the countries at the end especially.


12 - Andorra: Gisela "Casanova"


Andorra have never made the final... this probbaly won't turn the tide but it is delightfully europop with a ridiculous beat... it sounds like a Cascada album track.


14 - Armenia: Sirusho "Qele Qele"


I think I have a weakness for these Transcaucasian countries.


18 - Russia: Dima Bilan "Believe"


This hottie came 2nd in the Contest in 2006, and whilst this song isn't as good, this guy is an artist in his own right - it's the equivalent of the UK sending someone like Justin Timberlake to Belgrade.


And shockingly, I don't actually like Greece's entry this year... but maybe I'm smarting cos they didn't choose the far hotter Kostas Martakis...



Well, that's the first Semi-Final... and as you can see I like a fair few in it! Which is a bit gutting as it's the Semi-Final the UK doesn't have a vote in (we only get to vote in the second semi on Thursday).
My run-down of the Second Semi-Final in the next blog...

I often think that I'm not a lucky person, you know, because I never win a crappy prize at a raffle or I've only ever won a tenner on the lottery.

But I've done okay this week, I've got my first choice job at Bolton, to start in August! Dr Pillon (that's me) will be working in Breast Surgery, Complex Medicine, Psychiatry, Paediatrics, A&E and General Practice for two years in Britain's largest town. "Just" got to earn that MB ChB qualification now eh?

I've just finished my General Surgery placement at Trafford General. I've never wanted to be a surgeon but I actually had an ace time at Trafford. I've always liked placements there, it's a really nice little hospital and it's been really great being part of it for 2 months. Despite the 8am starts, I've had a lot of fun with the house officers and I've even done stuff like night shifts (which is perhaps evidence of "Finals Craziness" kicking in). I even gained a new nickname "Sam", which I might keep for future surgical jobs. And I've made some new friends: Nadia, Su, Lucy, Sally, Aki & Sarah/Jack. And of course, Dr Sarah G (aka The Boss) herself - I will miss being part of our dynamic duo!
On my last day yesterday, I went back to Day Surgery, where I did my first ever placement. It was vasectomy afternoon, and in front of all the nervous looking men, I picked up Sheila, a health care assistant who first looked after me on my wide-eyed first day. It was quite moving actually - they've seen me grow up over the past three years and I hope I will still get chances to pop back and say hi.
I left my 4 month stint in Blackburn feeling pretty confident about the whole junior doctor role, and at Trafford I've had the chance to take that further and I'm pretty proud of where I am now. It's odd to think that I was seriously considering leaving medicine 6 months ago; this year has kind of brought things together for me.

My next and last block will be in Liasion Psychiatry in North Manchester/Oldham. It's my elective block, so I have to explain it with faux embarrassment as I "should" really be on a beach somewhere pretending to learn. But actually, I'm really excited about getting the chance to try out the career I want to do for two months, it's pretty unique!

Anyway, what have I been up to this week?

I've been mostly listening to:

• "La Revolucion Sexual" - La Casa Azul
• "A&E" - Goldfrapp

I've been mostly watching:

• "Rome" on DVD
• The excellent new Torchwood

I've been mostly reading about:

• Kosovo's "independence" declaration
• The "fat, waddling staff" at Trafford General in the comments section of a story about the Trust's cash crisis
• Acid-Base balance, Kidneys and other such things I thought I could get away without learning...

I've been mostly spending money on:

• Some lovely shoes from Dolcis at The Trafford Centre thanks to their closing down!
• things at the DVLA webiste: road tax, change of address, new driving license, the list is surprisingly long

Anyway, I'm done now. Goodnight

Okay. So my temperament is such that I get pretty emotional about things. Nothing new.


I wasn't really prepared for what happened... even with the minor warning the BBC puts out. I've just watched this week's Casualty. Now, I don't want anyone thinking I'm some nut who loves this show in a disturbing way, and I know I've recently blogged about it.

But that's because it's some incredible television... actually, it's better than that description suggests... it's fantastic and believable drama worthy of more praise than it will ever probably get.


This week was the story of Ruth Winters, an F2 doctor who hanged herself, told from her diary leading up to her hanging. Raw is good word to describe the episode.


http://www.bbc.co.uk/drama/casualty/storyupdates/index.shtml?20080209


I'm not really embarrassed to admit that I was proper crying by the end of the programme. I was actually cut up. Ruth was an excellent doctor, perhaps a bit cold, who pushed herself too hard. She's had a shit life. But she's a good person (slash fictional character, whatever!).
And Georgia Taylor, the actress, did a great job at playing her.


But good drama makes you emotional not just because it's good, it's because it hits you personally, and makes you think about yourself.
And you know what, I'm really scared. I've been matched to a Foundation Programme in Bolton from August. I'll be the kind of doctor Georgia Taylor is pretending to be. But I'm going to be doing it for real.
And I'm not supposed to let on that I'm scared. The medical culture is such that I must appear brave and confident at all times. It's not the done thing to let your mask slip, to admit you're wrong. Indeed, there are certainly people who, if reading this, would be absolutely thrilled because my seeming incompetence helps them propel up the ladder. I guess medicine isn't unique in this way, most jobs require competitive staff in order that the best progress and make the company or business strong.

And my problem is that this way of life just isn't very me. I spent the first part of my twenties pretending things were okay and smiling when I wasn't happy because I didn't want to admit I could have got it wrong. I let myself be walked all over by someone who didn't really care for me at all, but happily let me care for them. And it's a lonely feeling when you can't be yourself. And I don't I want to repeat that experience for the rest of my working life, pretending that all is okay.
I'm not Ruth...and I'm not planning on hanging myself. But I'm going to face the same pressures as she did, and I'm not really sure how I'm going to deal with them.

...

Well... if you've read through you might feel like I did after watching Virgin Media ask me if I wanted to end the Catch Up TV Showing. So let's break the mood with a Paris Hilton video. :-p

Cute dog.

Work To Rule

I've just watched this Saturday's (5-Jan-2008) episode of Casualty via my handy Virgin Media On Demand. It was brilliant. So brilliant in fact, that I'm compelled to write about it now.

Just to recap a little...

A few weeks ago Charlie, a charge nurse in the Emergency Department of over 30 years, and Tess, another charge nurse were forced to choose between themselves who should be made redundant... Charlie ended up leaving post, much to the dismay of the staff.

Abs, another nurse, whilst fond of both his seniors, was seriously pissed that Charlie had left, and asked his union to support a strike. they did not, so he asked all the ED staff to follow policy to the letter and "Work To Rule" - this meant following their contracts to the letter (i.e. no unpaid overtime, no duties they weren't insured for and taking breaks as recommended)

As a result, the ED was seriously overstretched, and one doctor chose to blame Abs, saying he endangered patients.

And this was the brilliant bit.


Abs then made an impassioned speech about how he was constantly expected to work outside his contract. By taking breaks he was legally compelled to take, by not attending road accidents he wasn't insured to attend and by working to the rules supposedly in a nurse's contract, he said that he was indeed endangering lives. And that perhaps he should resign.
"But I won't." he said, "Because I want to be a good nurse."

"Why is it that we're supposed to have the best health service in the world, but it's run like a dodgy backstreet garage?"

Now... of course Casualty is a BBC drama, not a real-life documentary. But Abs' speech struck a chord with me.

I honestly don't have one F1/F2 doctor friend that doesn't have to work outside their contracted hours on a daily basis. Is it that they're lazy or incompetent? It's unlikely. There's just too much work to be done that simply doesn't fit into the contract.

A more senior doctor friend I have works on shift-rota that requires 14 doctors to work but only employs 11, and thus requires overtime from all staff, every day, every week. No effort has been made to fill these 3 vacant full-time posts, by the way.

And let's not start on nurses. I've worked as a health care assistant, so have a fair idea of how long things take. And it's rare that I go on a ward and see enough nurses to be able to cover patient's basis needs.

So what is this a rant about? I think the NHS is pretty good but of course not without its problems. I don't think I have enough experience to know how to deal with them, so I'm not going to try here.

But I do know that doctors or nurses are often cited as being incompetent or lazy. And the NHS is often criticised and rarely praised. It's used as a battleground for politicians.

My beef is with the attitude that NHS workers have developed a culture around themselves that requires them to work unpaid hours just to maintain patient safety. The culture that makes you feel guilty for being ill because you know your colleagues will be unable to cover for your absence. The culture that encourages you to think that by not pushing yourself up to your limits on nearly every day, you are responsible for endangering patient safety.

So what, you might say? What's an extra 30 minutes a day, with no breaks and a 20 minute lunch? Well, it's nearly 6 hours unpaid a week... that's a lot to ask of all your staff that other businesses wouldn't get away with.

To be a healthworker requires a lot of dedication. You agree to give yourself to the job in a way that few other professions do (perhaps the Army is a good comparison) - but you shouldn't have to agree to give your life away to save money that could employ someone to ease that burden.

And I really thank the BBC for making a drama that shows just how true this is.

You can watch the episode on BBC iPlayer for the next week, and a catch up clip on the show website.

Two Thousand and Eight

Happy New Year!

I was going to start this blog by seeing how well I'd done on achieving my 2007 Resolutions... but apparently I did not make any... or if I did... I forgot them. Oops.

So what's up for 2008? I got asked what my resolutions were going to be last night, and I said I wasn't going to bother because I always break them. But that's rather defeatist isn't it, so let's make that number one... stay positive! A lot of people only really see the smiley Seb but I can be a bit of a grump sometimes, so I'm going to pledge to be all Pollyanna and look on the bright side.

Something I also always say is "get fit". And I'm not fat or anything, but I could definitely do more than I do now. So let's set an acheivable goal and work from there... I'm going to go for a run every week.

I'm also going to make better use of my Orange phone contract. I get about a zillion free minutes I never use, I didn't even set up a Magic Number til a fortnight ago and
I do not religiously go to the cinema every Wednesday. So expect calls asking to go to the AMC!

Also, I'm going to pledge to give money to the LGF (Lesbian and Gay Foundation) in Manchester once/if I get a job in August. This is partly to satisfy my friend Rachel who works very hard there and is always trying to get me to sign up, but also because it's a great charity that does a lot and doesn't have a lot of ways that it can earn money.

And, let's have 5 resolutions. This last one is rather up to fate who I hope is listening/reading (whatever). Can we sort me out with a man this year please? A really nice one, with a lovely smile (own teeth essential), who not only likes me, but I like him as well. Who will put up with a slight Eurovision obsession*, a near-constant laugh and a rather talkative nature.

Come on then 2008, it's gonna be gr-eat (that rhymes btw)

*Can I just take this moment to point out the trauma that is the fact that the Eurovision Song Contest 2008 takes place in the week leading up to my finals - how unfair is that?!