Tuesday 18 December 2007

My Happy(ish) Endings

Well it's been a week of endings... let's take a look.

After 16 weeks of living in Blackburn, my time is up. Bizarrely, I've had a great time. I really didn't expect to... but it's been a blast, and I've made some great new friends and dare I say it... I actually can see myself as a doctor now. Which is saying something, as I was pretty sure I was going to quit when I started this final year. So a big thanks to the doctors who I've worked with over the past few months - especially Munro Donald, Damien Lynch, Jenny MacDowall, Annalise Brown, Kate Hooks, Ash Dharmalingum, John Brockbank & Adam Matson.
My time in Blackburn has really made me think about where I want to do my Foundation Years, and also what I want to do after that. I've actually ended up realising I quite like medicine... so I'm now really looking forward to my elective because it should help firm things up!

As for my first job, I'll be ranking my choices in a few weeks, and assuming I'm in the NorthWest, my favourite jobs are in East Lancs, Blackpool, Bolton, Barrow and Rochdale, but there's still a lot to think about. I really want to have a psychiatry block, minimal surgery blocks, and ideally some paediatrics. I really really don't want Trauma and Orthopaedics. Let's see what my score is in January!

And so I've said goodbye to Blackburn but I've hinted at other losses thhis weekend... well it has not been a great time where TV talent shows go. Same Difference came third in The X-Factor Final, whilst Gethin Jones was knocked out of Strictly Come Dancing on Sunday. Oh well... I'm not bothered. HRNK! What a lie, I was pretty gutted. My friend's sister who I've never met was worried about me... so I think my recurring reality TV obsession might have reared its head.

Anyway, here are some videos of them to remind me of the good times! Annoyingly, "I Don't Feel Like Dancing" keeps getting deleted from You Tube's Same Difference repertoire - but for the moment, there are enough people uploading it that it crops up every now and again!

I wonder if SD will be cheap enough by September so I can book them for my birthday?! NAd then I could have a "My Super Sweet 16th... well 25th" type tantrum if I can't have them.

Breaking Free


Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now


And now for some of Geth's finest moments...

Waltz - "If I Were a Painting"


Salsa


And they're all on the BBC website which is alright... but more of Geth please. And because they haven't...here are some of mine...










PS - If you see this woman in the street, or perhaps warbling at the top of her lungs somewhere, feel free to maybe trip her up or throw something at her. If this makes no sense to you... read here...


IC Wales

Sunday 2 December 2007

Preparations

Two weeks left at Blackburn and it's kinda sad. I've made a load of new friends and I can honestly say I've not really been this close to medics in my whole time at Uni. I'm really going to miss living in the House of Horrors and wandering about Blackburn. But I'm mainly going to miss stuff like going to Tesco with Rachel, comparing Yetunde to popstars, (not) playing Terry with Jordan and hearing Igor's phlegm wake me up.
But enough reminiscing - there's only 10 working days to get lots done!

Just worth noting that Gethin Jones got 39/40 for his waltz in Strictly Come Dancing yesterday - he was more gorgeous than I've ever seen. Having said that, I actually think Matt should win because his performances just seem better on the whole. I'm at the stage I get to in Reality shows where I realise how attached I've become and that I need to prepare myself to let the show go! Although I seriously do want to start ballroom dancing, I really do! Any takers?

My main dilemma this week is what to do about Christmas. The last 2 years I've bought "gifts" from oxfamunwrapped.com but I've read some opinion articles which have made me feel bad about this; i.e. that you shouldn't foist charity onto people. But I do still think that they are nice gifts and for the £5-£10 budget I have for each person, a lot more satisfying than some crap I've found on the high street. I need to decide what to do soon!

This week I have mostly been:

discovering:
Custard Apple Fruit/Sitaphal
Nintendo Wii
Rheumatology quirks
How not to flood the engine of your car by doing what an annoying neighbour says
How to play mobile phone companies off one another

listening to:
Girls Aloud - Tangled Up
Emma Bunton - A Girl Like Me
Darren Hayes - This Delicate Thing We've Made
Dubstar - Goodbye
Craig David - Slicker Than Your Average

watching:
Season 4 of Six Feet Under: I think this might be my favourite season, there are some great Ruth & Bettina stories.

YouTubing lots of:

Serebro - Dyshi
Serebro were Russia's Eurovision 2007 - but this video is just amazing and the song quite haunting. though I don't know what it's about so it might be about kittens or something.


Dannii Minogue vs Jason Nevins - Touch Me Like That
The wonder of Dannii's immobile forehead doesn't distract from the fact that this is pretty good.


D'Nash - Amanda
D'Nash were Spain's Eurovision 2007 entry (yep, another one), but they're kinda cute (ish)


Ordinary Boys - I Luv U

Tuesday 6 November 2007

Well it's been 6 months and 1 day since I last blogged.

There's a story there... someone didn't like what I wrote about them and kicked off. So I suppose it's true when they say that the truth hurts - and she really is a miserable cow!

Anyway, I kind of fell out of the habit, summer came and went and I started final year of Medicine which has kind of taken over really. And so here I am, blogging because that's easier than doing what I should really be doing.

Perhaps I should explain. I'm currently on my second placement of four in Royal Blackburn Hospital, based on a Gastroenterology ward. And right now, this minute, I'm in the 24-hour library, with 6 of my fellow final years, as we all desparately try to complete our application forms for Foundation Training - our doctor jobs for the next two years.
The form we have to fill in might perhaps scare patients if they saw how their doctors had got their jobs.

As an example:

Describe one example from your own clinical experience that has increased your understanding of the importance of team working. What was your role and contribution to the team? What have you learned and how will you apply this to your foundation training? (8 points/150 words)

The questions are all like this and what I find most difficult is the 150 word limit. If you read the question, there are actually five separate components to answer and so about 30 words, or 2-3 sentences each.

Those who know my love of talking will understand the trauma this form has caused me. Never before have I had to be so ruthless with superfluous adjectives. And I personally am frustrated that to really display your acheivemnts is really hard without freedom to describe them, and so I imagine that most of the 1000s of applicants will have very similar answers, devoid of personality, but full of buzz words like "motivate", "negotiate" and "euthanise".

Well, maybe not that last one.

Anyway, I'm otherwise having a right laugh in Blackburn (anyone googling that phrase might be surprised to find it has a hit), living in the staff residence with some great people. I'm actually really going to miss being here, with the people I've met when I have to leave at Christmas. We had a great German-themed Oktoberfest party (which pleasingly generated complaints from the lower floors of the block) a few weeks back, and future plans include a "Communist" party - dressed in grey, no music, copious vodka.

Back in Manchester, wehre I usually return at weekends, I'm now living with Ruth and Hannah, and we are all so busy we have yet to manage to all go out for dinner together, but we regularly congregate round the stairs to rapidly exchange details of our lives.

That's probably enough now, I'd be better gently weaning myself back into blogging, so I'll leave with some links to songs that I am YouTubing more than is healthy (and I've yet to even mention Gethin Jones on Strictly Come Dancing)

Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love


Same Difference - Reach (they are so happy its lovelyscary)


Jentina - Mysterious

Saturday 5 May 2007

Another fine mess



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuZ9k7ADknY

Here's a few things I should be doing:

  • Writing an SSC report about old ladies falling over
  • Creating a proforma to help audit how clinicians assess autistic spectrum disorders
  • Starting the Student Pride list of things to do
  • Revising some things for Progress Test
  • Tidying my room
  • LGBT Handbook
  • Sitting out in the sun
  • Sorting out bills
  • Having some lunch

And so on.

How often do I write a blog about what I haven't done?! I wish I had the motivation to do things in the daytime - why does it take til about 9pm before I kick into gear?

Oh well, there's more dossing to be done before the day is out!

Thursday 3 May 2007

LGBT Spring Conference 2007

NUS LGBT Spring Conference
Birmingham University Guild of Students
27-29 April 2007

And so begins what could well be my last NUS LGBT Conference report - I enjoy and gain so much from attending these conferences, and so it is with half a tear in my eye that I begin a recount of the weekend.

Friday
After a disappointingly short journey to Birmingham we rocked up at Birmingham University Guild of Students (BUGS) and registered ourselves before a quick roam about the quite lovely Birmingham campus, complete with massive clock tower.
After some Conference Training, we kicked off with a great talk by Finn Grieg of Sci:Dentity on trans issues within the LGBT movement. Finn was a great speaker and encouraged us all to speak with trans people as the best way of understanding more about this fairly misunderstood yet massively important issue.

A few dull reports later we moved to Regional Meetings, and it was nice they were early on in the weekend to aid with networking and making useful friends! The room wasn’t particularly conducive to discussion, and we ended up splitting into smaller “North West”, “Yorkshire” and “Geordies” groups to discuss and plan meetings we could do together. Alan Bailey and I reeled off some stuff about Student Pride and it was agreed that we would make this our Regional Event. We talked about campaigns together, including helping local FE institutions and the success of Liverpool institutions collaborating for their Donation not Discrimination campaign effort.
Overall the meeting okay but I think it could have been improved with a bit more structure and clear leadership. Whilst it was useful and necessary to split into smaller groups, it was a shame because we had almost all already met within those groups. However, it was good for me to be able to advertise for Student Pride to the group of people most likely to come (www.studentpride.co.uk)!

The afternoon/evening session consisted of Open Place LGBT Officer and Committee Reports. It was a bit weird that Scott wasn’t there to read his support but his excellently crafted speech was read by fellow Scot James Alexander. The room cheered loudly for Scott in recognition of his hard work and extra-ordinary efforts in the past year, as well as in support for him as he recuperates from an operation.

We discussed two motion “zones” that evening: Education and Welfare & Student Rights.

The first zone - Welfare & Student Rights - was reasonably sedate. Motions that were almost totally supported included ones about promoting sexual health and tackling hate crime.
We then came to an important motion which I strongly believe in, entitled Gender Neutral Toilets & Trans Rights. I’m thrilled to report that NUS LGBT is now mandated to help push for consideration of trans issues when it comes to provision of toilet facilities. This should hopefully help us bring this about in Manchester over the next few years.
Another area which took a long time to debate regarded the opposition of fascism & racism. This motion was submitted entirely by NEC/NUS LGBT Committee Members and as such, the debate was largely between a group of people who all know and no doubt regularly antagonise one another. Others did get involved, but their impromptu speeches looked amateur in contrast with the polished ones delivered by the newly dubbed “conference celebrities”.
The debate ultimately (and perhaps inevitability) became so heated that delegates were asked not to shout at Conference floor.
It was then, perhaps with some amusement, that we fairly easily raced through a motion to work to reduce the scale of “body fascism” rife within the LGBT community. I for one am a strong believer in the power of the media and it possibilities for both damage and benefit. A well chosen photo can so easily alter a person’s viewpoint that the change in self-image is almost subconscious.

With a few deep breaths we moved on to the second zone. This was my least favourite - Education. It’s my least favourite as I feel the debates tend to be more about wider student issues as opposed to LGBT-focussed discussions - and this shows in the number of NEC (National Executive Committee - the NUS ruling body) members who speak on these issues of which they are passionate about. It’s not that the issues aren’t important, but the debates can often feel like a rehearsal for larger NUS-based debates. In any case, we affirmed the campaigns’ dedication to the eradication of homophobic bullying, before moving on to a lengthy debate about the future of funding education.
My personal view was that the notion of “free [HE] education for all” is outdated. I don’t think it is possible to increase the numbers of HE students without introducing costs to those students. I don’t think £3000 a year is a bad deal when the actual cost of that degree is more than triple that amount (or, for my Medicine degree, 16 times more…)
I do, however, believe that the Student Loan available is woefully out of touch with the living costs required by today’s students, but I don’t see why a system of loans only repayable (at a phenomenal “real” rate of 0% interest) when a decent salary is earned is unfair.
Nevertheless, as my own rant shows, this debate is largely about something that affects ALL students and not really LGBT students. And I feel that as NUS LGBT students we should hope that the NUS could more effectively campaign for such issues rather than the far smaller NUS LGBT organisation.

The evening was spent getting some alcohol and preening ourselves at the hotel before heading back to BUGS for the evening social where I had fun chatting to lots of different people, and it was nice evening to catch up with old friends from Liverpool Hope, UCL, QMUL and elsewhere. Other highlights included watching Will from UCLAN & Laura from QMUL get more and more off their faces, and Lee from Steering Committee fall into a flower bed. I remember skipping down a main road with Will at one point before we tried to go climb the Birmingham Uni tower, before we got lost (even though it is massive). Excellent.

Saturday
After our croissants and juice at the Etap, Saturday began with Women-only reports, before we concluded a few of the debates from the previous night. We then got to go to my favourite bit of Conference, workshops.
Natalie and I had signed up to the Trans workshop the night before, and then, without realising, the other 4 Mancs had done the same after us. As it seemed a little silly to have all 6 of us in the same workshop, we moved to the Feminism workshop instead. The other 2 options were about fighting the BNP, and another about Florence, a lesbian facing deportation back to Sierre Leone.
In all honesty, I wasn’t all that thrilled about going to a workshop about Feminism, but the outcome of the session was that I was pleased to have gone. It was led by Kat Stark, the NUS Women’s Officer, and we had some fascinating group discussions about different feminist ideals. I had bravely outed myself as a non-feminist at the start of the session, and I think this might have given the impression that I think women are subservient to some, but in all honesty I was genuinely interested in just feminism was, considering it different from anti-sexism (how wrong I was). I was pleased that my group got to discuss the statement “GBT men can be feminist but heterosexual men cannot” as we talked a lot about the media’s influence, the nature of interpersonal relationships and how feminism kind of combines the ideas of anti-sexism with a pride of women.
After a mad rush for our lunch bags, we moved into Motions Zone 3, which was my favourite zone: “Strong & Active Unions”.
The first motion in this was about Governance Reform in the NUS LGBT Campaign. We voted to replace Winter Conference with better regional events to strengthen the Campaign, as well as making a commitment to consider Mature Students and ageism within the campaign. It was also affirmed that the NUS LGBT Committee should endeavour to attend as many Fresher’s Events as possible, and mobilise the Campaign early so that it can be promoted at such events.
The next motion was the biggie of Conference and was entitled “Queer Liberation”. The original motion intended to allow self-defining Queer students to attend Conference, and to create a permanent Queer Caucus. An Amendment sought to “clarify” – although stated that “Queer” would include various supposedly-undesirable groups, and so defined Queer as those who were LGBT but chose not to use those words. The debate was rocked throughout with much vocal audience participation (especially from the NEC members – perhaps rather inappropriately), which climaxed in a procedural motion that called for all self-defining Queer students to leave Conference. Once things had settled down, Emma Persky, who had opposed the Amendment, surprisingly changed her mind and then spoke for it. This led to a very confused voting audience! With the Amendment passed, the main motion then passed, but without the two-thirds majority necessary for it to become policy. And so our LGBT Campaign rather timidly works its way to a Queer-er future? Perhaps.

Other motions in the zone that passed were: Better supporting disabled students; working harder to include FE within the campaign; supporting Student Pride (thank God!); and allowing sponsorship from reputable companies.
We unfortunately id not get to discuss two motions regarding Conference Delegations, talking about gender balance and inclusion of non-LGBT delegates.

The next sessions were the elections for the Open Place positions and Steering Committee elections. It was interesting to hear what the candidates had to offer, although it was bit odd that you couldn’t ask questions – audience whispers led to the conclusion that some people weren’t being entirely honest in their manifestos!

After an amusing session in which we were asked to reject the yearly Finance Report to show NUS how woefully wrong their estimates were, we moved to the final motions session.

Motions Zone 4 was “Society & Citizenship”. We discussed motions welcoming the protections offered by the new Goods and Services laws, supporting free childcare in Universities, and our support to the international LGBT campaign.
We also voted to “affirm our commitment to internationalism in the struggle against LGBT oppression”, although a section that called for us to campaign for the withdrawal of troops from Iraq fell.

Saturday ended with the Manchester Cru heading to Nando’s in the BullRing for our dinner as we weren’t too impressed with the free meal provided the previous night. We then got ourselves ready and went for some drinks in Birmingham’s gay area. Jennie and Carly (still rough from the previous night) went home early, whilst Danny and Stuart headed to Nightingales. Natalie and I stayed in the Loft Lounge, drinking cocktails and looking at the fit bar staff, as well as Anthony from Blue and Dr Truman from Eastenders. 5 cocktails later we headed home to dance on the bed before actually going to sleep at something like 5am… oh dear.

Sunday
After pressing “snooze” far too many times, Jennie, Carly, Natalie and me made it into the Guild for the Queer Caucus. This was a really positive experience, and we welcomed the fact that Queer students were now recognised by the LGBT Campaign (even if not quite in the way we all had envisaged or desired). It was affirmed that we would endeavour to build on this and introduce queer activism into the campaign.
We spent the rest of the morning chatting with various other students about what had happened so far, our views on certain motions, and also we Facebooked to the max on the Guild computers.
After lunch, we completed the motions zone 4 debate, and moved onto an excellent session given by Celia Kitzinger and Sue Wilkinson. These two women were married in Canada, and tried to challenge the UK into recognising their marriage as a marriage (and not a civil partnership) - in line with rules for heterosexual marriages made outside of the UK. Their story was fascinating and they succinctly provided us with good arguments as to why we should campaign for equal treatment. The couple received more than one standing ovation for their efforts.

After their session, they then presented the awards for the LGBT societies of the year. It was wonderful to see Liverpool Hope win the HE award. I’ve gotten to know Liverpool Hope over the year and I have really taken a lot from them. A tiny institution with no money, Liverpool Hope has rattled off a massive list of activities that really and truly puts Manchester to absolute shame. If they had our resources, Liverpool Hope could have achieved anything!

The final session was for Emergency Motions - there was a single one submitted by NUS LGBT Steering regarding a change in the way motions were submitted to Conference. It called for future motions to be submitted by Constituent Members rather than individual representatives. After some speeches by NUS representatives (from LGBT Steering, NUS Steering, i.e. Danny, and NEC members) the motion was not passed. I voted this way, because I feel that it would be largely impractical in our Union to follow the rules as specified - we can barely cobble together more than a handful of people to help us with Awareness Week - never mind get groups together to formulate motions!

And so, after some Closing remarks by Claire, we raced off across campus to get our train to New Street, before heading back home to Manchester (via Nando’s in Fallowfield).

Friday 27 April 2007

One Month Ago

It has been one month since I last blogged. That's a while in Seb-land innit?!

I suppose a lot has happened in that time, but then it also doesn't feel that long ago - when I re-read the posts I realise the decisions I was talking about are still yet to be made. Oh well. It will happen in good time I suppose.

I met with my friend Elliot today in Kro and it was lovely! He's an old school friend I have known since I was 11, which is actually 12 years ago now! We did Spanish and drama together at school but I would say we've become better friends since we left. He's an ace guy and I trust him loads - he's the kind of guy who makes you feel relaxed and totally un-selfconscious.

Seeing him has reminded me of a lot - we talked about funny memories and reaffirmed our similar outlook on various things (such as faux-"travellers" and brunettes).

It's good to remind yourself how ace your friends can be. I guess you could say I've been a little more down in the last month, perhaps more introspective, and perhaps still a little unconfident in myself. I guess I've let myself be taken over by both internal and external pressures...or maybe it's just that I've not listened to enough pop music (and true to form I am listening to the glorious BWO right now).

I've done some wonderfully un-sensible, narcissitic and selfish things in the last month and I think I needed to because I was becoming a bit constrained by myself. With all this decadent self-discovery though has been the return of some unresolved things, and I've been quite pensive. It's odd really, I'm quite relaxed and yet frustrated, busy but lethargic, and happy but longing for something that I'm not quite sure what it is.
I find it hard to concentrate sometimes (more than usual anyway!), and my thoughts just sort of run away with themselves and so when, like today, I'm asked about why someone on medication for rheumatoid arthritis might be getting ulcers I don't think "oh...immunosuppression...corticosteroids...thin skin... blah blah"... because I'm a million miles away and instead I'm just like "UMMMM...ERRR...etc".

I think that in some ways I quite like exploring how I feel about things, but I do also wonder sometimes whether it would be easier to be Vulcan-like and be able to totally control my emotions. But I guess my mixed heritage pretty much disposes me to have a fairly "active" temperment - French, Italian, Polish & Scottish all working together to mean that I'm hopelessly romantic, (too) quick to react to things, fiercely proud and dutiful whilst never losing practicality!

But anyway, what have I done in the last month?

OSCE exam - was alright apart from having to ask the fit model to "take off his shirt" without sounding like I meant it for a shoulder examination, and not knowing that a community mental health team looks after people with mental health problems in the community (and in spite having spent 2 weeks working right with a community mental health team and loving it)
Student Pride - finally, with Bev's massive help, got the Union to book and kind of finalise the plans!
Southampton - made two visits, for Easter week and also the following weekend. Was nice to be with my mum and dad!
Loz - had a picnic in Loz's front room watching The Apprentice and road-tripped to So'ton via the awful Costa Coffee at Norton Caines services.
Trafford - started new placement at Trafford/Altrincham for 3 weeks - it's alright but reminded me how much I have forgotten! I spent today glued to the BNF looking up drug names... admittedly half of these were on behalf of my consultant... but they were things I'm sure I used to know. Have bumped into someone who I wasn't expecting - I know who they are and I'm willing to bet they don't know who I am. Oh well. It's fun to be back though - I seem to know half of the staff in that bloody place and it feels like a home from home!

Anyway, I really need to pack for Birmingham, where I'm heading tomorrow for NUS LGBT Conference... expect a report next blog!

Tuesday 27 March 2007

This week... mid-March

This week, I have been mostly listening to:
Somewhat bizarrely, Duncan James & Keedie: I Believe My Heart!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWBfCeLaVmU

and also, the ace remix of what was quite a dull song before; Beyonce and Shakira, Beautiful Liar
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSpzwF8CBok

This week, I have been mostly watching:
Castaway - I really like it! I also love that the "Remote Control" section, where you can choose the gift the castaways recieve is always nice - clearly the producers thought we'd all be knobs and send them ironing boards, fishnet stockings and steal their chickens, but instead we're giving them a surfboard, fishing nets and new chicks!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/castaway

This week, I have mostly been saying:
"Distal/proximal phalangeal joints"...

...and "Would you like something to suck on for landing sir?" over and over again and still finding it funny.

This week I have mostly been eating:
VERY badly - today I have had a bagel, some crisps, a sausage roll, 2 pints and some Kro mussels (which ended up making an early exit...)

This week, I have mostly been thinking:
"If I ate better, I would sleep bettter and I would look bettter and feel better. And so, despite knowing this, why can I not do it?!!

This week, I have been mostly doing:
lots of socialising - I have been out with different friends nearly every day for over a week!

This week, I have been mostly paying:
for things that get pissed away about an hour later

This week, I have mostly been stressing about:
Joints; Elective; Project Option; SSC; LGBT Conference; and whether PBL is on Friday as the timetable says (which I hope for), or whether it has been moved to Thursday again, in which case I will miss it because I am already booked to be somewhere else!

Psychiatry versus Sumo/Safari/Spanish

I'm currently undergoing an elective dilemma.

Next year, for my final year of medicine before I get a job (woo hoo), I have an 8-week "Elective" period to fill. The point of this period is to "experience a different healthcare system" - which for a lot of medics means getting a few grand of daddy, zooming to Australia to sit on a beach and then pop into Sydney General for a few hours. Which is quite fun thing to do... but it isn't really me. Plus the fact that my elective period is right before my finals.

I originally thought I'd just stay in England, probably Greater Manchester, and do something "useful" in a revision sense.

I've now been bitten by a bug that sees a new elective idea each day!

I would quite like to do Psychiatry for the block, because I love it. I could do the whole lot in Bolton as they have kind of already agreed, but I would like to go away really, at least for a bit, because it's a pretty unique opportunity. SO I could split the block in two and do two 4-week blocks.

And this is where the dilemma begins to set in.

I have always wanted to visit:
Iceland, Japan and "Africa" (whatever that means).

But the first two present a bit of a communication barrier, especially where I want to do a rather communication-heavy specialty. The thought of going to Japan makes me so excited, but I just don't know that I would honestly get much out of it in a educational way, and it might drive me mad that I don't understand anything! Ditto Iceland, and also, it's so near it doesn't seem "worthy" enough. Somewhere like Ghana or Kenya in Africa could be good - because English is the official language in a few countries so at least there is opportunity for translating from native languages.

Or I could go to Spain or South/Central America and use my not-too-bad Spanish? Argentina, Chile, Mexico?

But then I think of Japan again... and then Africa... and then Bolton.

It's really a battle of the specialty versus the location... I don't think I can go somewhere I've always wanted and do what I want to do!

And we've not even started talking about how I'm going to pay for any of this yet.

This is really hard isn't it?!

Thursday 22 March 2007

Haiku

Holding the words in,
I cannot help but wonder;
Silence? For what reason?

Trying to be good,
To do the right, honest thing.
Yet I pay in blood!

The game of ego,
Not something I care to play;
Just get on and DO.

Open and closed and shut,
Minds unreceptive to thought,
"But, me! But, ME! But..."

The low road, the high,
Neither without obstacle;
To run, stay, or hide?

Sunday 18 March 2007

Comedown

It's been quite a nice week really. No real hecticness, just chilled!


I have rediscovered the joys of Civilisation II on my computer, yay! I have also tidied my room and it looks pretty ace with nothing on the floor, I have not been able to look at myself in the mirror close up for weeks (maybe that's a good thing eh?)!


I have been a bit of a homeboy actually, and it's been nice just doing boring things like eating cereal at 3pm watching Will and Grace on Living! I have spoken to my mum and dad 3 times this week and I had forgotten how much fun they are. I don't think my card arrived though, but I'll blame the stamps confusion Royal Maul has introduced with the whole "Large Letter" thing.


My solo weekday outing was to the UMSU elections on Thursday. To be honest, I wasn't looking forward to them after stories of last year's endless recounts and fighting, but it turned out to be quite a fun night. I quite enjoyed watching how much it meant to people that certain candidates be elected - I guess politics really does rock some people's worlds.

I was relieved when Bev allowed me to NOT be her scrutiniser - I was scared of how much responsibility you have - you basically announce the votes unofficially as they are counted - can you imagine if I got it wrong?!


My ace friend Bev triumphed though, and whilst her "opponent" Rubbiah would have likely been a great Welfare Officer too, I had to side with my mate of 3 years (especially after she had me cutting out a zillion flyers the night before)! I'm not ashamed to say that there were tears on my behalf - Bev was totally unphased and took it in her stride whilst I was laughing/crying with pride and happiness!
I'll be sad to see Mina go... she's really helped us lots over the year and used what she can to make things better. But to see Bev in the Welfare Office will be surreal!
The other highlight of my week, was, of course, the joys of Scooch with wrinkles, performing to the max on Saturday night. I'm excited to see them in Helsinki for Eurovision in May, I think they will do alright (although somewhat scarily, there are far camper acts than them, look for Ukraine's entry, dear god). They won't win, but then that's not what it's about - how dull would Eurovision be if we hosted it in the UK? Last time it was Ulrikka Jonsson - I guess we'd have Kate Thornton or Fearne Cotton and they would be have funny accents or slightly odd English, and that's part of the fun!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kNoAddyUMQ

Sunday 11 March 2007

This week...

To make a trio of blogs, here is what I have been mostly doing this week.

This week, I have been mostly listening to:
"I Want Candy" - Melanie C & "Flying The Flag" - Scooch (our potential Eurovision entry)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISlAMQurClA


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qP4Rus8Lqs

Both these songs have been growers - I'm still a bit "hmmm" about Mel C's fringe, and also the 90s beat of Scooch. But then I love the trumpets in I Want Candy and sexual innuendo in Scooch's song!


This week, I have been mostly watching:
Comic Relief Does Fame Academy (sorry to see Zoe leave last night)

This week, I have mostly been saying:
"So... have you ever felt so low that you might consider taking your own life?" - the joys of psychiatry patient interviews

This week I have mostly been eating:
McDonalds - I have been 4 times this week - interestingly in 4 different places (Salford, Bolton, Stockport and Fallowfield!)

This week, I have mostly been thinking:
"It's all coming together!" - I have an idea for my elective, woohoo!

This week, I have been mostly doing:
lots of tidying - my room is beautiful!

This week, I have been mostly paying:
Credit Card bills. :-( (Goodbye interest-free period)

This week, I have mostly NOT been watching:
The Interpreter, my current LoveFilm rental, which I have had for 2 weeks and so heavily damaged my chances of making my subscription worthwhile this month.

PAL in ME

[l-r Fozia, Kat, Milli, Seb]



LGBT Awareness Week wasn't the only thing filling my time in the first week of March. I was also preparing for a workshop which I was to deliver along with Fozia, Kat and Milli on Thursday 1st March.


There was a lot of hectic preparations and practice, but we all arrived at Foz's in the morning, dressed to kill (I even shaved off the dubious beard) for our drive to Wythenshawe.


We had a workshop session to demonstrate our Peer-Assisted Learning project to staff involved with Medical Education from the North West region. There were 2 sessions of 90 minutes each, and we each had sections that were 'ours' - although our comfortableness meant we often interacted with each other! I was "Geek Boy" with the statistics we gained from our research - which left me open to a few tricky questions!


Our workshops went really well. We really fell into our stride and knew our stuff. We really impressed the people who came and it was an ace feeling! A low was Dr Mark Bradbury falling asleep in the corner, but I suppose it has given me newfound respect for teachers who have to put up with less-than-ideal pupils!


Our new goal from the workshops is to make the project sustainable, and so once we've all had a relax, I'm sure we'll be up and ready to start recruiting and making this pretty damn brilliant!


So to my new friends and pioneers, Kat, Fozia, and Milli, cheers to us!


Lend Us A Hand

I've been hibernating. (Well... kind of.)

Just over a week ago was LGBT Awareness Week in the Students' Union. It was, quite simply, brilliant. And it kept me so damned busy I haven't blogged in ages. And, because I think someone might be interested.

In the week beforehand we had a lot of fun painting the banner (I did the "D!" in Violet), and then getting to maul Rachel, Bev and Natalie who were wearing the white hoodies, which we then adorned with handprints. Ian, Stu and I had a great laugh running about the Union with paint-soaked hands. Thanks to everyone that came and helped - I won't namecheck you all again and risk me forgetting someone (with, I imagine, heinous consequences if I do), but I hope you all felt freaking proud seeing the banner up in front of the Union. Mina (Welfare Officer) commented that it looked like a professional banner, so well done guys!

The stall looked great, and I know Natalie and I had lots of fun running about campus in our hoodies and rainbow umbrellas. We certainly got noticed (as it was, (1) rather sunny and also (2) the wind kept blowing our cheap umbrellas out resulting in many comedy moments where we had to wrestle them back into shape).

Turnout at the evening events understandably dipped after the fiasco of Tuesday's film. After 3 DVD players, a change of room and nearly one hour's hanging around, we could not, in the end, watch Bev's (largely-in-German) film, Paragraph 175, as the UMSU does not appear to provide batteries for its remote controls, resulting in our inability to turn subtitles on. Oh dear. Thanks to Neil for inadvertantly turning off the projector and getting a cheer, and to Danny for trying to find some AAA batteries. I have now developed a pathological need to carry batteries with me wherever I go.
Those of you that came to Wednesday's Quiz seemed to enjoy it, and Jen and I definitely enjoyed ourselves, especially with our dance-montage, Supermarket Sweep pricing game, and our never ending questions (thanks to Siobahn and Rachel for providing some of the harder questions). Well done to everyone that came and I hope that you didn't puke on the Charlemagne/Champers, and that no-one was irreprably damaged by the 85p Tanning Wipes.

Friday's rainbow group hug was amazing. The aim of it was to get Manchester to see that there is still a campaign for LGBT equality, and it was also quite an important thing that LGBT people could be open and proud in public. I won't be wearing a rainbow cape every day, but it was important for people to see that LGBT students still have to fight for true equality.

About 40 of you came and joined us on the Union steps and we really got noticed. Well, maybe that and the creepy black silouettes behind us, each with a disturbing statistic on them.


In case you didn't get a chance to read all the stats, they are still be displayed in the Peer Support Centre, but I'll also put them here:

40% of youth do not feel safe in their school because they are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or questioning

90% of young Lesbian, Gay & Bisexual people have experienced verbal abuse because of their sexuality

70% of Lesbian, Gay & Bisexual people are too scared to report homophobic incidents to the police.

In 8 world countries, the punishment for male homosexual acts is death.

82% of secondary school teachers are aware of homophobic verbal bullying among students in their school.

and, in my view, the worst:
30% of young lesbian, gay and bisexual people have tried to commit suicide more than once.

I hope that some of the people who had to make their way past these figures, or read them whilst passing on the bus (or indeed, whilst on the bus with us...) were surprised or shocked. A lot of people think that there isn't a need to campaign for LGBT issues. I used to think that too, and then I realised I thought that because I was/am lucky. My family support me, I have lots of friends, I'm going into a profession that is working hard to stamp out homophobia, and the laws of my state allow me to be who I am.

I hope that LGBT Awareness Week made someone ask "What does LGBT mean?", or in some way helped up the recognition of our campaign. I think it did. Thanks for "Lending A Hand".


Friday 23 February 2007

24/7

This has been my week:

Monday 19th February
Up at 6.30am
GP day cancelled, so was going to go see some elctroconvulsive therapy in Bolton, but after getting and getting ready I decided that I really had too much to do so decided to make the day a "work at home" day. Lots of LGBT Awareness Week planning (which is bascially a zillion emails, mucking about with my design skills on Word and Paint, and Facebooking to the max), lots of planning for the Peer-Assisted Learning workshop and lots of eating rubbish.
Then met Bev to go though some poster designs and the times of events in the JR Library.
Topped the day off with an LGBT Society meeting around the ridiculous Union foyer sofa, and then a 3 hour workshop planning session, where we laughed at our Yahoo! Avatars, came up with great visualisations such as the triangle pyramid for our PowerPoint! We also had some tasty Domino's Pizza with the help of buy one get one free vouchers!
Got home to have a chat with Steve then time re-check Googlemail for more LGBT things, then bed at 2.30am

Tuesday 20th February
Up at 7am
Drove to Charles House in Salford, a medium-secure psychiatric unit for a day's worth of sessions. Was really interesting seeing the patients and I obvioulsy loved the sessions on ethics and law within psychiatry.
Drove home looking forward to a night off before realising it was UMSU Union Council at 6pm.
Rang Bev and realised we needed paint for tomorrow so went on a wild goose chase to Stockport to come back largely empty-handed.
Council was always going to be a biggie what with the deadline for Constitutional changes due, so we were there until 8.30 when the last few selfish stragglers left and we dropped below the quorate regulations. There are a fair few changes which maybe should have been looked at but now never will be.
Then Bev and I raided B&Q Kingsway for paint. Thanks to Mike there - he was ace!
Got home shattered from the day, but then had to log on to upload AW posters for printing at U-Print. And then needed to do some work!
Bed at 2am

Wednesday 21st February
Up at 6am
Went to Bolton for a morning with the CRISIS team. Went with John to see a woman in the community and then was allowed to a proper assessment of an A&E referral for a woman with an alcoholic past and possible suicidal thoughts. It was pretty nerve racking but John made me feel really confident so that was ace. Then had a tasty RBH lunch (parmesan chicken, chips and carrots) before going to a ward round where there were some cases of injury-induced, drug-indued and idiopathic schizophrenia, anxiety-psychosis and hypermania.
Left Bolton for Student's Union to paint the Awareness Week banner. Ian had come up with a great design and Rachel had bought loads of snacks. I had a lot of fun with Ian, Bev, Rachel, Jon, James, Natalie, Devon, Jess, Felix, Tom and Stuart painting the amazing banner and the even better T-shirts and hoodies! It was a bit disappointing that people who'd said they'd come didn't, but the core people who've been really involved with Awareness Week were, as well as some new ones and it was a real bodning session (especially for girls at the end who were literally groped all over)
Got home to start work on the PAL workshop.
Bed at 3am.

Thursday 22nd February
Up at 6.30am
Drove to Bolton and it was a bit scary as my eyes started to go on the M61 - it was hard to keep them open.
Went out with the Dr Karl on visits: a man with reactive depression (and also a bizarre latent bipolar disorder probably as a result of a pituitary tumour in his brain). Got quizzed me on medial knowledge and it was odd how I kept getting the more obscure things before I got the more important (and obvious) ones.
Then went to see an interesting woman who had had an operation and was now convinced that pretty much any exertion would cause her damage. She was incredibly anxious and suspicious, but I really felt for her - her mood had totally changed in just a few months and I just willed her to be better so much. The Occupational Therapist taught her a relaxation exercise which I personally found useful! Karl was really good and the whole visit made me really quite sure that psychiatry is a likely career path for me.
Left Bolton after lunch (pesto chicken, chips and green beans - yum!) to run through PAL workshop with Milli, Kat and Foz. I was actually pretty exhausted by the time I arrived at Hope - there was an accident on M61 that delayed my journey and I was already pretty shattered from the previous two weeks of activity!
We did the workshop for Nasha and it went pretty well, although we realised that we actually had 90 minutes to fill instead of 45! This actually suits us better and allows for more interactivity so it's all good!
Got home at 8 and just did nothing. Had a bath and went to bed at 11pm - it was glorious!

Friday 23rd February
Spent the day at Hope as a student chaperone for GCSE students thinking of careers in healthcare. I really enjoyed it - from opening the day with a random introduction a largely-irrelevant video, to forcing a smile as I ended up working with Rosie Illingworth again and having my communication skills picked on (which was useful but also hard work!). Best bit of the day was leading a resus style session for the students with John Barber - I've never done anything like that before and it felt pretty good to know what I was doing!
Came home and watched 2 hours of Crystal Maze, ate fish and chips and peas!

This week, I have been mostly listening to:
I am literally obsessed with Anna Vissi, Call Me:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=algXWhcv3Ls

This week, I have mostly been saying:
"Vomidor", as in, the corridor where everyone vomited at Pangea. (c/o Natalie)

This week I have mostly been eating:
Aldi Maple and Pecan Crunch Cereal

This week, I have mostly been thinking:
I freaking love psychiatry.

This week, I have been mostly doing:
a shitload of typing

And so there you have it!

Sunday 18 February 2007

It's been a long time...

... but the time is finally near!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUmO-ELaR_o

The next fortnight is shaping up to possibly be the busiest in my entire life. There is a slight risk that I will actually collapse down in exhaustion, as nearly happened this week, so if you see me writhing on a floor, please slip a Pro-Plus under my tongue or take me for a coffee (take-away). And on Saturday March 3rd - do not expect to be able to rouse me, as I will be hibernating!

Preparations for LGBT Awareness Week are really stepping up, and there's loads for me to oversee and get done. I find it hard to sleep there is so much going on in my head!
Things to done by the team or dedicated Awareness Weekers include making lifesize wooden people, painting banners, writing things for Student Direct, writing press releases, emailing a zillion people, trying to keep an eye on the budget, ringing Bev at ever-more increasingly inappropriate times to wail like a banshee, making posters, hiring equipment and so on.

In the same week, I will be co-hosting a training workshop for all the staff involved in Medical Education in Manchester with Kat, Milli and Foz, so there is preparation to be done for that too. We're meeting on Monday over expensive but satisfying pizza to sort things out!

In amongst all this, I am trying to learn about Psychiatry in Bolton with Dr Y Singh, who is amazing. I actually love this disclipine and I'm pretty sure that psychiatry is somewhere I could end up now. I loved being in A&E with the CRISIS (urgent psychiatry referrals) team with all the people telling their stories about aliens in Bolton. I also really enjoyed Old Age Psychiatry (more aliens).
I'm attempting to look keen so that when I disappear for a week I don't look so bad - but I think I'm going to have to do the unthinkable and LGBT it in the day and Psych it by the night.

And so, I will be carrying some emergency chocolate at all times this week to promote serotonin release in my brain (to keep me happy), and to keep me a bit stimulated (the caffeine in chocolate). Please feel free to buy me some more if I run out! :-)

Sunday 4 February 2007

Shock to the system

Here i am again, for a typical Sunday evening rant!

I have got a bit fed up of various "systems" around me in the past week or so. Namely:
  • UMSU - which has quite possibly some of the most unhelpful staff of any organisation in the world. I do think that it should perhaps be a requirement that persons applying for a job in a students' union actually like students. I wouldn't mind if I was actually a rude person who demanded lots but I think I'm quite pleasant and I don't seem to get it reciprocated very much which is very frustrating.
  • Manchester Medical School - well I have a Project Option now, and thank god it will be something good. Although despite being given the name of a potential supervisor to contact by the Project Option administrator, when I handed my form in there was surprise that I had a "new" tutor - which meant I had to get the project approved. Did no-one think that maybe they shouldn't give out names of supervisors if they haven't checked that they are ok?!
  • HSBC - now appear to charge me about 36p a month for having a bank account. This requires a phone call every month to be told it's a mistake and I will be refunded and that it won't happen again. Well guess what HSBC - it does happen again. And again. And the phone call to tell you roughly costs about 36p, so by the time I'm done waiting for some incompetent to process my call (which I know is important to you), we all lose out!
  • Manchester City Council and GMPTE - this is about congestion charging. If this gets implemented in Manchester, it will cost me £8 a day to drive to Salford (unless I do what everyone else is likely to do and use the tiny residential streets to escape the charged roads). MCC and GMPTE claim that this will make me want to use public transport. Well guess what, it won't! I used to use public transport which took 3 times as long to get me anywhere. And cost more than it currently does to drive in my little car. I am all for the environment, and I tried taking the bus to Salford every day after I had got my car because I felt it was the right thing to do. But instead of feeling good, I felt punished that it would take me 90 minutes instead of 20 minutes to get home each day. I'm not giving up my car any time soon - and if I'm saying that as quite an environmentalist, then the authorities have a lot of convincing to do. But then we all know that congestion chraging is not for the benefit of the environment, and that in no way is 100% of the residual profit going to go on funding public transport. Or maybe I'm just cynical...

But it hasn't all been doom and gloom, a call to NTL, nicknamed by some as NTHell, was a rather suprisingly pleasant experience. My call was answered as soon as I'd pushed my final option in. I'd rung because the transition to Virgin Media has meant that my bill has changed and they'd got my package wrong. The woman knew exactly what I was talking about, and despite the fact that my old NTL package did not now exist for the same price under Virgin, she changed the bill so it did, and all because she trusted the fact that I told her I'd signed up for a 12 month contract - even though there was no evidence on her screen.

So why have I ranted all this off? I'm about to get philosophical, that's why. The biggest challenge facing humans in the 21st century is not global warming, nuclear warfare, terrorism or racism in the Big Brother house. It's social management. All these problems come from humans primeval instinct to be selfish and look after ourselves. We needed that when we were cavemen, but we aren't going to get anywhere if we can't all start to see that if everyone was willing to give up a little for everyone else, then everyone would be happier. The trouble is, you just need one person who isn't willing to take the bus, or give their staff proper (and thus more expensive) training, and it all collapses.
So let's all make the effort not to be that bad person! In New Zealand, they have a national Random Act of Kindness Day (which is coincidentally my birthday) - that's a start, but we have 364 days to go!

Sunday 21 January 2007

Glum Sunday

I haven't blogged in a while have I?

I'm normally ranting off loads, but I guess I've been a bit glum lately and I haven't really felt like it. It feels like lots of things are going wrong and whilst I know that they are bound to improve, I'm kind of indulging myself a bit. Things are happening around me and I'm not really in control so there isn't a lot I can do, just ride it out I suppose.

It's a few things really... and oddly (or perhaps not) they all have the core theme of having my personality/individuality/freedom of choice being suppressed. Don't get me wrong - I'm hardly Nelson Mandela fighting the oppression of a people; I'm just a bit fed up of having to do things I don't like for other people's benefit!

My Project Option has turned into a farce and I'm almost-disproportionately upset about it now. It's an 11-week module coming up in May where you learn "research methods" and study a clinical problem in depth. It's a long stoy that I'll rant about another time, but suffice to say I've had such a hard time solely because of other people's incompetence that I'm pissed off with myself for thinking I could win against the system by being keen and interested in my degree - evidently they University of Manchester Medical School would prefer that I am miserable.

As for LGBT stuff, I guess I'm going through a low patch with it really. I wish I could devote all my time to it, I get so much satisfaction from it. I guess I wish though that I was part of a larger team of people who felt the same as I did - I find myself agreeing to do things because I think they are important... but also because I know that if I don't, no-one else will. Either that or I wish I could care about things a bit less so that I was able to say no and not feel guilty!
What upsets me is when I get mocked for being enthusiastic and trying to infect other people with it - it's hard to feel like you're fighting all the time, especially with people who you might guess would be on your side.
However, I'm lucky to have people like my good friends Bev and Rach around to remind me why it's worth it!
There's also a fair few other personal things which I'm not going to do a Jodie Marsh and "reveal all" about, but needless to say that I'm fairly preoccupied about. In a way, it's quite funny because I'm actually both a supposed "victim" and a "perpetrator" of the same act which is upsetting me. And I don't really feel I've done anything wrong... but I suppose that is often the way with these things.
I wish people could just be upfront and honest with me - it's how I prefer things. In the words of my dad, there are so many things I don't know - and I never will if someone doesn't think to actually say to me.
One of the reasons I like Star Trek is the line from the ending of ST: The Next Generation, where it's noted that whilst you could go and explore the whole of space - you actually shouldn't forget to explore your own mind. For me, bettering myself is all about internal things - and I guess I've come to realise over the past few years that however much it might hurt at the time -I would always rather know the score, as it is.


Saturday 6 January 2007

The first weekend off (ish)

Is it February yet?!

I'm 6 days into 2007 and I'm already in a whirlwind of activities!

I finished my SSC in Bolton and was really sad to leave on Friday, I've loved my time there and I think Bolton is the place where I want to work in 18 months time. I got an "excellent" grade for the SSC report which I have been told means that I now qualify for an Honours point (having already got 2 other "excellent" grades). Which is quite cool really. Plus a Nurse Specialist wants my report to base some research of her own, and my consultant thinks I could submit the research part of it to a journal, as it's basically the first time this has been done, at least in the UK. So woohoo!

Unfortunately it's back to Hope for 5 weeks now... which is nice cos I'll see lots of people I like but I have found being in a DGH (District General Hospital, like Bolton or Trafford General) so good - you are considered part of the team rather than an annoyance so it'll be a bit of a culture shock going back.

Me and the PAL (Peer-Assisted Learning) team have also found time to meet up and finalise lots of things ready for our sign-ups next week, very exciting. We will be teaching Year 3 students clinical examination skills and will be looking at how effective we are perceived to be. We'll then present our findings to the North West medical education training day in March. It's not all exciting though - I photcopied about 500 sheets of paper yesterday, wrote a load of random numbers down to transfer to them, and now have to create a spreadsheet to hold the data... yawn.

And LGBT things loom on the horizon, I met the NUS LGBT Committee today in Kro whose staff were, somewhat unusually, 100% gay/lesbian, as if they knew we were coming...
Anyway, with LGBT Awareness Week needing some hefty organisation and Student Pride on her way, i think I'll be kept nice and busy for a while yet!

Anyway, I've just found that Star Trek VI is on Channel 4 so I'm off to watch the end of it. And My Six Feet Under boxset arrived today which is ace, so lots of televisual fun for me tonight!

(and I haven't even mentioned Jade back in Big Brother - Just Jade, Just Jack, Just Jackiey, Just Genius)

Monday 1 January 2007

New Year Resolutions

Nothing that revelatory, but still, posting them here might make me take them more seriously!
  1. Computers are for WORK, not for Facebook stalking...ahem...networking. I will stop mucking about when I have things that need to be done!
  2. Everyone always joins gyms in January. I'm going to be realistic. I'm going to go once a week, and if I go more great, but let's not carried away huh? The thought of going is already making me sleepless.
  3. Money is getting a little tight now that I'm in my 5th year of studentdom (incidentally, I recently realised that Southampton LEA gave me more per week to attend 80%+ of 6th form than the NHS gives me to train as a doctor... go figure). I'm going to write down what I spend every day so that I keep better track of what I have left!
  4. Last year I promised to keep in touch with my friends more. I kind of did, but I can do better. So I am going to again be realistic and promise to write to everyone who's address I have at least once this year - and indeed, I will become even more of an old man and get an ADDRESS BOOK. Dear Lord.
  5. I like it when I make a bloody effort to look nice (unlike now when I am sat with my hair dishevelled, my face all bristly and in my muddy ripped jeans), so I am going to moisturise, actually shave and try to think about getting my hair cut before it gets silly. (NB - I am still going to get my fantastic outfits from Primark though... maybe a bit of ASDA George if I get adventurous...)

Is there anything I have missed? Please feel free to tell me if you think I should be doing something, or indeed, if you catch me breaking these solemn promises...

Happy New Year! Isn't 2007 great?