24/7

This has been my week:

Monday 19th February
Up at 6.30am
GP day cancelled, so was going to go see some elctroconvulsive therapy in Bolton, but after getting and getting ready I decided that I really had too much to do so decided to make the day a "work at home" day. Lots of LGBT Awareness Week planning (which is bascially a zillion emails, mucking about with my design skills on Word and Paint, and Facebooking to the max), lots of planning for the Peer-Assisted Learning workshop and lots of eating rubbish.
Then met Bev to go though some poster designs and the times of events in the JR Library.
Topped the day off with an LGBT Society meeting around the ridiculous Union foyer sofa, and then a 3 hour workshop planning session, where we laughed at our Yahoo! Avatars, came up with great visualisations such as the triangle pyramid for our PowerPoint! We also had some tasty Domino's Pizza with the help of buy one get one free vouchers!
Got home to have a chat with Steve then time re-check Googlemail for more LGBT things, then bed at 2.30am

Tuesday 20th February
Up at 7am
Drove to Charles House in Salford, a medium-secure psychiatric unit for a day's worth of sessions. Was really interesting seeing the patients and I obvioulsy loved the sessions on ethics and law within psychiatry.
Drove home looking forward to a night off before realising it was UMSU Union Council at 6pm.
Rang Bev and realised we needed paint for tomorrow so went on a wild goose chase to Stockport to come back largely empty-handed.
Council was always going to be a biggie what with the deadline for Constitutional changes due, so we were there until 8.30 when the last few selfish stragglers left and we dropped below the quorate regulations. There are a fair few changes which maybe should have been looked at but now never will be.
Then Bev and I raided B&Q Kingsway for paint. Thanks to Mike there - he was ace!
Got home shattered from the day, but then had to log on to upload AW posters for printing at U-Print. And then needed to do some work!
Bed at 2am

Wednesday 21st February
Up at 6am
Went to Bolton for a morning with the CRISIS team. Went with John to see a woman in the community and then was allowed to a proper assessment of an A&E referral for a woman with an alcoholic past and possible suicidal thoughts. It was pretty nerve racking but John made me feel really confident so that was ace. Then had a tasty RBH lunch (parmesan chicken, chips and carrots) before going to a ward round where there were some cases of injury-induced, drug-indued and idiopathic schizophrenia, anxiety-psychosis and hypermania.
Left Bolton for Student's Union to paint the Awareness Week banner. Ian had come up with a great design and Rachel had bought loads of snacks. I had a lot of fun with Ian, Bev, Rachel, Jon, James, Natalie, Devon, Jess, Felix, Tom and Stuart painting the amazing banner and the even better T-shirts and hoodies! It was a bit disappointing that people who'd said they'd come didn't, but the core people who've been really involved with Awareness Week were, as well as some new ones and it was a real bodning session (especially for girls at the end who were literally groped all over)
Got home to start work on the PAL workshop.
Bed at 3am.

Thursday 22nd February
Up at 6.30am
Drove to Bolton and it was a bit scary as my eyes started to go on the M61 - it was hard to keep them open.
Went out with the Dr Karl on visits: a man with reactive depression (and also a bizarre latent bipolar disorder probably as a result of a pituitary tumour in his brain). Got quizzed me on medial knowledge and it was odd how I kept getting the more obscure things before I got the more important (and obvious) ones.
Then went to see an interesting woman who had had an operation and was now convinced that pretty much any exertion would cause her damage. She was incredibly anxious and suspicious, but I really felt for her - her mood had totally changed in just a few months and I just willed her to be better so much. The Occupational Therapist taught her a relaxation exercise which I personally found useful! Karl was really good and the whole visit made me really quite sure that psychiatry is a likely career path for me.
Left Bolton after lunch (pesto chicken, chips and green beans - yum!) to run through PAL workshop with Milli, Kat and Foz. I was actually pretty exhausted by the time I arrived at Hope - there was an accident on M61 that delayed my journey and I was already pretty shattered from the previous two weeks of activity!
We did the workshop for Nasha and it went pretty well, although we realised that we actually had 90 minutes to fill instead of 45! This actually suits us better and allows for more interactivity so it's all good!
Got home at 8 and just did nothing. Had a bath and went to bed at 11pm - it was glorious!

Friday 23rd February
Spent the day at Hope as a student chaperone for GCSE students thinking of careers in healthcare. I really enjoyed it - from opening the day with a random introduction a largely-irrelevant video, to forcing a smile as I ended up working with Rosie Illingworth again and having my communication skills picked on (which was useful but also hard work!). Best bit of the day was leading a resus style session for the students with John Barber - I've never done anything like that before and it felt pretty good to know what I was doing!
Came home and watched 2 hours of Crystal Maze, ate fish and chips and peas!

This week, I have been mostly listening to:
I am literally obsessed with Anna Vissi, Call Me:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=algXWhcv3Ls

This week, I have mostly been saying:
"Vomidor", as in, the corridor where everyone vomited at Pangea. (c/o Natalie)

This week I have mostly been eating:
Aldi Maple and Pecan Crunch Cereal

This week, I have mostly been thinking:
I freaking love psychiatry.

This week, I have been mostly doing:
a shitload of typing

And so there you have it!

It's been a long time...

... but the time is finally near!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUmO-ELaR_o

The next fortnight is shaping up to possibly be the busiest in my entire life. There is a slight risk that I will actually collapse down in exhaustion, as nearly happened this week, so if you see me writhing on a floor, please slip a Pro-Plus under my tongue or take me for a coffee (take-away). And on Saturday March 3rd - do not expect to be able to rouse me, as I will be hibernating!

Preparations for LGBT Awareness Week are really stepping up, and there's loads for me to oversee and get done. I find it hard to sleep there is so much going on in my head!
Things to done by the team or dedicated Awareness Weekers include making lifesize wooden people, painting banners, writing things for Student Direct, writing press releases, emailing a zillion people, trying to keep an eye on the budget, ringing Bev at ever-more increasingly inappropriate times to wail like a banshee, making posters, hiring equipment and so on.

In the same week, I will be co-hosting a training workshop for all the staff involved in Medical Education in Manchester with Kat, Milli and Foz, so there is preparation to be done for that too. We're meeting on Monday over expensive but satisfying pizza to sort things out!

In amongst all this, I am trying to learn about Psychiatry in Bolton with Dr Y Singh, who is amazing. I actually love this disclipine and I'm pretty sure that psychiatry is somewhere I could end up now. I loved being in A&E with the CRISIS (urgent psychiatry referrals) team with all the people telling their stories about aliens in Bolton. I also really enjoyed Old Age Psychiatry (more aliens).
I'm attempting to look keen so that when I disappear for a week I don't look so bad - but I think I'm going to have to do the unthinkable and LGBT it in the day and Psych it by the night.

And so, I will be carrying some emergency chocolate at all times this week to promote serotonin release in my brain (to keep me happy), and to keep me a bit stimulated (the caffeine in chocolate). Please feel free to buy me some more if I run out! :-)

Shock to the system

Here i am again, for a typical Sunday evening rant!

I have got a bit fed up of various "systems" around me in the past week or so. Namely:

• UMSU - which has quite possibly some of the most unhelpful staff of any organisation in the world. I do think that it should perhaps be a requirement that persons applying for a job in a students' union actually like students. I wouldn't mind if I was actually a rude person who demanded lots but I think I'm quite pleasant and I don't seem to get it reciprocated very much which is very frustrating.
• Manchester Medical School - well I have a Project Option now, and thank god it will be something good. Although despite being given the name of a potential supervisor to contact by the Project Option administrator, when I handed my form in there was surprise that I had a "new" tutor - which meant I had to get the project approved. Did no-one think that maybe they shouldn't give out names of supervisors if they haven't checked that they are ok?!
• HSBC - now appear to charge me about 36p a month for having a bank account. This requires a phone call every month to be told it's a mistake and I will be refunded and that it won't happen again. Well guess what HSBC - it does happen again. And again. And the phone call to tell you roughly costs about 36p, so by the time I'm done waiting for some incompetent to process my call (which I know is important to you), we all lose out!
• Manchester City Council and GMPTE - this is about congestion charging. If this gets implemented in Manchester, it will cost me £8 a day to drive to Salford (unless I do what everyone else is likely to do and use the tiny residential streets to escape the charged roads). MCC and GMPTE claim that this will make me want to use public transport. Well guess what, it won't! I used to use public transport which took 3 times as long to get me anywhere. And cost more than it currently does to drive in my little car. I am all for the environment, and I tried taking the bus to Salford every day after I had got my car because I felt it was the right thing to do. But instead of feeling good, I felt punished that it would take me 90 minutes instead of 20 minutes to get home each day. I'm not giving up my car any time soon - and if I'm saying that as quite an environmentalist, then the authorities have a lot of convincing to do. But then we all know that congestion chraging is not for the benefit of the environment, and that in no way is 100% of the residual profit going to go on funding public transport. Or maybe I'm just cynical...

But it hasn't all been doom and gloom, a call to NTL, nicknamed by some as NTHell, was a rather suprisingly pleasant experience. My call was answered as soon as I'd pushed my final option in. I'd rung because the transition to Virgin Media has meant that my bill has changed and they'd got my package wrong. The woman knew exactly what I was talking about, and despite the fact that my old NTL package did not now exist for the same price under Virgin, she changed the bill so it did, and all because she trusted the fact that I told her I'd signed up for a 12 month contract - even though there was no evidence on her screen.

So why have I ranted all this off? I'm about to get philosophical, that's why. The biggest challenge facing humans in the 21st century is not global warming, nuclear warfare, terrorism or racism in the Big Brother house. It's social management. All these problems come from humans primeval instinct to be selfish and look after ourselves. We needed that when we were cavemen, but we aren't going to get anywhere if we can't all start to see that if everyone was willing to give up a little for everyone else, then everyone would be happier. The trouble is, you just need one person who isn't willing to take the bus, or give their staff proper (and thus more expensive) training, and it all collapses.
So let's all make the effort not to be that bad person! In New Zealand, they have a national Random Act of Kindness Day (which is coincidentally my birthday) - that's a start, but we have 364 days to go!

Glum Sunday

I haven't blogged in a while have I?

I'm normally ranting off loads, but I guess I've been a bit glum lately and I haven't really felt like it. It feels like lots of things are going wrong and whilst I know that they are bound to improve, I'm kind of indulging myself a bit. Things are happening around me and I'm not really in control so there isn't a lot I can do, just ride it out I suppose.

It's a few things really... and oddly (or perhaps not) they all have the core theme of having my personality/individuality/freedom of choice being suppressed. Don't get me wrong - I'm hardly Nelson Mandela fighting the oppression of a people; I'm just a bit fed up of having to do things I don't like for other people's benefit!

My Project Option has turned into a farce and I'm almost-disproportionately upset about it now. It's an 11-week module coming up in May where you learn "research methods" and study a clinical problem in depth. It's a long stoy that I'll rant about another time, but suffice to say I've had such a hard time solely because of other people's incompetence that I'm pissed off with myself for thinking I could win against the system by being keen and interested in my degree - evidently they University of Manchester Medical School would prefer that I am miserable.

As for LGBT stuff, I guess I'm going through a low patch with it really. I wish I could devote all my time to it, I get so much satisfaction from it. I guess I wish though that I was part of a larger team of people who felt the same as I did - I find myself agreeing to do things because I think they are important... but also because I know that if I don't, no-one else will. Either that or I wish I could care about things a bit less so that I was able to say no and not feel guilty!

What upsets me is when I get mocked for being enthusiastic and trying to infect other people with it - it's hard to feel like you're fighting all the time, especially with people who you might guess would be on your side.

However, I'm lucky to have people like my good friends Bev and Rach around to remind me why it's worth it!

There's also a fair few other personal things which I'm not going to do a Jodie Marsh and "reveal all" about, but needless to say that I'm fairly preoccupied about. In a way, it's quite funny because I'm actually both a supposed "victim" and a "perpetrator" of the same act which is upsetting me. And I don't really feel I've done anything wrong... but I suppose that is often the way with these things.

I wish people could just be upfront and honest with me - it's how I prefer things. In the words of my dad, there are so many things I don't know - and I never will if someone doesn't think to actually say to me.

One of the reasons I like Star Trek is the line from the ending of ST: The Next Generation, where it's noted that whilst you could go and explore the whole of space - you actually shouldn't forget to explore your own mind. For me, bettering myself is all about internal things - and I guess I've come to realise over the past few years that however much it might hurt at the time -I would always rather know the score, as it is.

The first weekend off (ish)

Is it February yet?!

I'm 6 days into 2007 and I'm already in a whirlwind of activities!

I finished my SSC in Bolton and was really sad to leave on Friday, I've loved my time there and I think Bolton is the place where I want to work in 18 months time. I got an "excellent" grade for the SSC report which I have been told means that I now qualify for an Honours point (having already got 2 other "excellent" grades). Which is quite cool really. Plus a Nurse Specialist wants my report to base some research of her own, and my consultant thinks I could submit the research part of it to a journal, as it's basically the first time this has been done, at least in the UK. So woohoo!

Unfortunately it's back to Hope for 5 weeks now... which is nice cos I'll see lots of people I like but I have found being in a DGH (District General Hospital, like Bolton or Trafford General) so good - you are considered part of the team rather than an annoyance so it'll be a bit of a culture shock going back.

Me and the PAL (Peer-Assisted Learning) team have also found time to meet up and finalise lots of things ready for our sign-ups next week, very exciting. We will be teaching Year 3 students clinical examination skills and will be looking at how effective we are perceived to be. We'll then present our findings to the North West medical education training day in March. It's not all exciting though - I photcopied about 500 sheets of paper yesterday, wrote a load of random numbers down to transfer to them, and now have to create a spreadsheet to hold the data... yawn.

And LGBT things loom on the horizon, I met the NUS LGBT Committee today in Kro whose staff were, somewhat unusually, 100% gay/lesbian, as if they knew we were coming...
Anyway, with LGBT Awareness Week needing some hefty organisation and Student Pride on her way, i think I'll be kept nice and busy for a while yet!

Anyway, I've just found that Star Trek VI is on Channel 4 so I'm off to watch the end of it. And My Six Feet Under boxset arrived today which is ace, so lots of televisual fun for me tonight!

(and I haven't even mentioned Jade back in Big Brother - Just Jade, Just Jack, Just Jackiey, Just Genius)

New Year Resolutions

Nothing that revelatory, but still, posting them here might make me take them more seriously!

1. Computers are for WORK, not for Facebook stalking...ahem...networking. I will stop mucking about when I have things that need to be done!
2. Everyone always joins gyms in January. I'm going to be realistic. I'm going to go once a week, and if I go more great, but let's not carried away huh? The thought of going is already making me sleepless.
3. Money is getting a little tight now that I'm in my 5th year of studentdom (incidentally, I recently realised that Southampton LEA gave me more per week to attend 80%+ of 6th form than the NHS gives me to train as a doctor... go figure). I'm going to write down what I spend every day so that I keep better track of what I have left!
4. Last year I promised to keep in touch with my friends more. I kind of did, but I can do better. So I am going to again be realistic and promise to write to everyone who's address I have at least once this year - and indeed, I will become even more of an old man and get an ADDRESS BOOK. Dear Lord.
5. I like it when I make a bloody effort to look nice (unlike now when I am sat with my hair dishevelled, my face all bristly and in my muddy ripped jeans), so I am going to moisturise, actually shave and try to think about getting my hair cut before it gets silly. (NB - I am still going to get my fantastic outfits from Primark though... maybe a bit of ASDA George if I get adventurous...)

Is there anything I have missed? Please feel free to tell me if you think I should be doing something, or indeed, if you catch me breaking these solemn promises...

Happy New Year! Isn't 2007 great?

7 days to go

In 7 days and about 8 minutes time I will be sat back at home in Southampton, waiting for my mum, dad and brother to get themselves ready so we can drive to my granny in the New Forest ready to begin Christmas.

My grandfather was Polish, and so we celebrate Christmas Eve, which involves eating 7 types of fish, singing some carols and then heading to midnight mass. It's lovely for the most part, with all the traditions from leaving a place-setting free for Jesus (cos he's coming that evening you see) to bickering about the cooking and enduring the incense-heavy Mass.

I feel a bit selfish then when I feel a little uncomfortable at Christmas. I'm not out to some of my family, because the ones that would be alright with it would probably say to the ones that aren't. I'm not proud of this fact, and I wish I could be brave enough to be fully open. I dread when conversation approaches something like "Have you got a girlfriend?". I've never lied to this question - I don't have a girlfriend - but there is a definite feeling that I'm hiding something, which I hate because I just want to be honest.

I'm lucky that my close family are all so brilliant - and it could have been the case that I had no-one to support me, but luckily they know how it makes me feel and they help out by steering conversation away, and understand why I might disappear to my room for longer than I really need to "to find something".

There are many young LGBTQ people that don't have such a great family, or at least don't know that they have such a great family just yet. With a bit of thought, it's easy to see why LGBTQ people are so much more likely to become depressed at Christmas. Suicide rates are at their highest over the 'festive' period - because feelings of being alone are accentuated when the world around seems to be grouping off into family units.

http://www.childline.org.uk/SharpriseinsuicidecallswarnsChildLine.asp

http://www.pspflag.asn.au/newspaper.html#Christmas

Christmas is also a time when less-liberal Churches are brought more to the forefront and have the opportunity to voice homophobic beliefs. It's sad that they can't use the time of year to promote communionship rather than a need to segregate other human beings.

I guess for me, it's a time to realise that the need for LGBTQ organisations is still pretty important. There is so much needless suffering at one of the nicest times of year in what is a pretty progressive country. I hope that in 2007 we will see more LGBTQ people joining the campaign movement so that in Christmas 2007 there won't be so many young people feeling that there is no way out.

Eating properly

This is what I have eaten in the last few days. I am writing this to shame myself into trying harder!

Wednesday 13th December
Croissant
Vegetable Pasta Bake
Bakewall Flapjack
Bagel with peanut butter
Lots of Quality Street
Mince Pies and Bailey's cream (again)
3 coffees

Tuesday 12th December
2 croissants
Gingerbread Xmas biscuits
Cadburys Dairy Milk with Almond & Honey
Mince Pies and Bailey's cream
2 coffees
2 teas
Chicken Samba and Garlic Naan (c/o Spicy Hut)
2 Boddies
1 whiskey and ginger

Monday 11th December
Coffee
Walkers Ready Salted French Fries
Xmas Dinner (Turkey, sprouts, potatoes, carrots, stuffing)
approx 2 bottles red wine
1 Bucks Fizz

This isn't really hitting the old 5-a-day now is it?!

I think this may be a New Year Resolution kind of issue.

Sunday morning

It's been quite a good week really. I'm sat in my pyjamas and I'm fairly relaxed - which is good for me!

I'm loving Paediatrics at Bolton hospital - it's really confirmed for me that I want to be a paediatrician of some description. I'm up at 6.30 every day to drive there before the M60 traffic kicks in, but I am enjoying myself so much that I don't mind.

My SSC project there is in "Adolescent Health Services", and because people over 16 years old tend to be on adult wards, I scavenge around the site looking for teenagers, which has earned me a couple of suspicious looks when I wander to the nurses' station to ask "Hello! I'm Seb, I'm a medical student and I wondered if you had any teenagers on your ward". Everyone thinks I'm a paedophile - so I've started wearing my ID badge more prominently!

I actually think I want to work in Bolton, I have the same feeling I had at Trafford - and the bonus is that there are more things going on at Bolton (and less likelihood it will close down).

What's happened LGBT-wise this week? Well I trialled having the LGBT Welfare/Campaigns Collective at a different time to see if we would get some more people along but it didn't really work. It really brought home the message that we need to engage people into campaigns a bit more, and I wonder whether LGBT Awareness Week (February 2007) needs to make that one of its primary aims.

Having said that, the small band of us that there was did come up with some really good ideas for the week, which will be ace if we can pull them off! Caroline was a new face and she had lots of ideas, which was really satisfying and we spent over an hour coming up with things we can do.

After the Collective I went to the LGBT PG/Mature Students evening after a debate about whether I was eligible - I'm a graduate undergraduate who is 23 years old but not really a postgraduate or a mature student. However, when two 21 years old Masters students turned up, it seemed okay that I could go! The 12 of us had a really nice dinner and it was great to meet some new people - I felt really comfortable and I'm really looking forward to the next one now.

That's it, apart from Matt and my vague stalking of Kieron Richardson from Hollyoaks. Neither of us watch it, but he is on the cover of the AXM magazine in the LGBT Library at the moment. And we probably wouldn't have clocked him if it weren't for his minder - you can't help but be noticeable when you have "people" around I guess!

He was quite shy, but didn't seem to mind us whacking him with our drunken dancing! I think Matt quite fancied him - which I feel safe to say seeing as he hates computers and will never read this!

Cascade

As always happens when I should be focussing on something else (in this case, learning the National Service Framework for Children, Young people & Maternity Services http://www.dh.gov.uk/PolicyAndGuidance/HealthAndSocialCareTopics/ChildrenServices/ChildrenServicesInformation/fs/en)
I have lots of other ideas filling up my head that I really would like to do something about.

Would anyone like to pay me just to come up with ideas all day and make and do things with them?!

As I am rather LGBT-obsessed at the moment, this is where my ideas seem to be focussed. Here is my relentless train of thought (somewhat condensed for attempted clarity):

I am worried that Student Direct (the UMSU newspaper) will not give us much space for LGBT Awareness Week 2007. So I would like to make our own magazine. That then made me think of the god-awful snubbing of our Peer Support Centre article, and I wonder whether the PSC groups should club together to create a "Welfare magazine", it would kind of be a one-off, with lots of advice info from the different groups, that would also help publicise the Peer Support Centre.
I'm now back on LGBT Awareness Week. Where will I be in February? Last year I just took a week off but I've realised I have no idea whether that's going to be possible this year. I really want to though. I want to invite lots of people to come up, I want the week to be brilliant! I'm hoping Bev and chums from IGLYO will do something, I would love Imaan to come again, and I know Shell is planning some LGBT History things. I'm excited! I'm looking forward to bribing people into giving ideas on Thursday in exchange for ASDA snacks and goodies.

I should stop now, my brain is like a leaking bucket and if I don't plug the hole then it's going to get bigger and I'm already going on enough as it is!